


The List

by RelatableJean



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Serial Killers, Violence, but also love, i guess, no there's definitely love hehe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-01 02:36:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8603878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RelatableJean/pseuds/RelatableJean
Summary: Poor Levi kills for money, but then this very handsome and rich man, by the name of Erwin Smith, shows him a completely new level of murdering people.





	1. Amayasi pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin smirked and said: "Ah, of course. I totally forgot about that." He leaned back to open a drawer on the back of the table and returned to his original position with in his hand a gun. Though, he didn't point it directly at.  
> "Let me ask you again, Levi, what were you doing on that roof?"
> 
> Even after this, I showed no emotions. And there was no way I'm gonna tell what I actually did up there. I looked at the gun he held in the gap between his legs and said: "If I were as rich as you are, I would've bought some manners."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please take note that this is in a fictional world with no specific dates nor places.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this first chapter of a new story I'm working on :)))

There we were again. On our way to kill someone else on his stupid list. The unlucky person was a Japanese man, as far as I knew. His name was Amayasi. That bastard had no idea what was coming for him.

It was a rainy and windy night. I was wearing blue shorts, a white button up shirt that I kept open - because I was too lazy to close all those damn buttons - , weird yellow All Stars I once stole, and pink long socks that were supposed to be white, but since my damn partner couldn't do the laundry for shit, they became pink, for fucks sake. So, I was barely wearing clothes. Was I cold? No, absolutely not, because I was with the hottest person on earth.

Erwin Smith.

Speak of the devil, he grabbed my hand and pulled me closer. The rain was dripping down his perfect face.  
"This one is gonna be an easy one," he said. "Amayasi is neither popular nor rich. So, don't be nervous, Levi." He lowered his head and planted a kiss on my wet hair.

"I'm not nervous, you fucking piece of shit," I answered. When I looked up at him, I saw him smiling at me. That beautiful smile of his was enough to make that little cold hart of mine, that only beat for his ass, melt like it was nothing. I was so in love with him. It wasn't even healthy anymore. He will be the death of me.

The way we met was a shit story to remember. A story to tell the grandchildren someday. Just kidding. Kids are fucking annoying pieces of pure shit with their damn noise and other fucked up issues, like puking and crying and shitting their pants. They can't even piss like normal human beings and they always make a fucking mess. I hope they all die. I actually want everyone to die. Except for Erwin, because he looks good.

It was already like 10 months ago when Erwin and I first met. I was on the roof of a building. My eyes were focused on the view I saw through my stolen binoculars. The handsome blond one. I already followed him for a while and discovered little things about him, like his name and his reputation as murderer. He wasn't from around. I knew everyone from my fucked up village, so he probably lived somewhere behind the fence. But, I once saw his face and wanted to see it again, and again, and again, and again, and so on.

He was standing in front of a house, talking to some shitty tall man with a big ass nose who wasn't from my village either. This was already the seventh time I saw Erwin with that bastard in such a short time. They weren't together, were they? I hope not, because I had actually planned to be together with Erwin since the first time I saw him. And hell, I _had_ to be with him, even if it was the last thing I did in my life. Just looking at him was a pleasure; his blond hair, his blue eyes, his... everything. I bit my lip. Damn, why was I so obsessed with him? I didn't even really know him. Maybe there was some weird ass connection between the two of us? Or I just might be a fucking creepy person? But every time I looked at him - or even when I heard his name - it gave me a warm feeling, for fucks sake.

I took another look through my binoculars. 'Not bad,' I thought while staring at Erwin. He was very well built and fucking handsome. Especially while he was standing right next to the stiff-looking man I called The Nose, since that particular thing was pretty dominant in the center of his bearded face.  
The Nose now lifted his chin up in the air for some shitty ass reason. He then turned his face exactly to where I was. But he could never see me, because I was hidden very well. So, I thought it was just a coincidence that he "looked" my way. Like, who would expect their stalker - I mean, their observer - to be on a roof of some shit building?

But then the Nose pointed literally at me. How the fuck?! He said something to Erwin, who stepped forward after it. He put his hands around his mouth and shouted: "Hey, you! Come down here immediately, or we won't hesitate to shoot the living life out of you! You have exactly ten seconds, starting from now!"

Wh- what?! I expected his first words to me to be a little bit... different. I quickly climbed down the drain pipe on the side of the building. But when I made it to the ground, Erwin stood in front of me. He looked down on me and I looked up at him. His eyes... I've seen those sky blue things before. But where? Damn it. But then his face, he was so much more attractive from up close. Except for the fact that he was pointing a gun at me though.

"What do you want?" he asked. "And don't try anything weird."

'I want your face on mine,' I thought, but I didn't say anything, because they would've been fucking awkward.

"Why are you here? Mike has already smelled you here a couple of times before, when I was here too. Are you a spy?"

The Nose, who's name appeared to be Mike, could smell me? I looked at him. That was one weird piece of shit. He was grinning at me like a satisfied pig. Fucker. Damn it, if I could, I would've definitely sliced that grin off of his shit face with my favorite knife.

"Answer me," Erwin raised his voice, but he still sounded calm and confident about this hole situation. I returned my gaze on him. He was still ready to shoot me anytime. I bet he didn't mind to do so, which meant that I really had to watch my steps.  
"What is your name?"

"Levi Ackerman," I finally said. Then, the look in his eyes changed. It was as if they... started to shine. He even lowered his gun. Did I say something good? I only said my name, and really, I was an asshole, so my name wasn't a good thing. Maybe there was another Levi Ackerman who was a hero or something, and he might thought I was that person, because we shared the same name. But, I didn't know any other Levi, let alone another Levi Ackerman. Damn.

"Levi Ackerman you say?" he asked with a much softer voice than before. "I'm Erwin Smith. So, why are you here, Levi? Did you maybe want to work together with me?"

I only heard: "... you... together... with me." And I like the idea of that, so I shrugged and nodded a bit. I had literally no idea what the fuck that man was talking about all of the sudden.

"Really? Well then," he said kinda nice. "Why didn't you tell me right away? Let's go to my place so we can talk about it. If you don't mind of course."

Wh- what? What this fuck was this all of the sudden? Did he wanted me to go with him? The fuck did I have to do? Shit. This was a hard decision to make. I didn't know shit about Erwin. And now, he was asking me to go to his house and I don't even know why. I mean, no one goes from "I'm gonna shoot your ass" to "let's team up together". It didn't make any sense. Only a fucking dumbass would follow him. But, for some reason, I kinda felt like the fucking dumbass who was about to do it. I mean, look at his face. His eyes by itself were a damn heaven to stare at. But I really had to think it through. This might looked like the golden opportunity to know him even more and to get closer to him - I'm gonna be honest, it was pretty tiresome to follow him all day and climb roofs just to look at him -, but was it really worth it? He could shoot me if he felt like it. But then again, I'll die anyways, if not by Erwin, then perhaps by car or someone else. I had literally no idea what to do. I closed my eyes and sighted. I furrowed my eyebrows a bit and opened my mouth.

"Okay," I said. Erwin smiled at me and started walking while gesturing me to come. His smile was so warm and I froze in place for a brief second, but then got up and followed him. I knew damn well that it could be a trap or something and he was just the cool blooded bastard to shoot me for no reason any moment. So, I stayed alert. Why was "okay" the first thing that popped into my mind? Did I want to be with him that bad? Fuck, I was more pathetic than I thought.

"So Levi, where do you live?" he asked while we walked.

"That's none of your business," I answered.

"What do you do for a living?"

"Fuck off."

We continued walking in silence. It gave me time to reconsider my decision and just to look at him. I couldn't really read him. Usually, when I meet someone, I'm able to see right through them and sort out what they are planning to do. But Erwin... He was like a stone. Kinda mysterious. He was attractive in so many different ways. I had to figure him out.

He took me to some hidden tunnel that went under the fence and led to a village. I've never been outside of my own village. There was a big fence around it, so we - the poor people - weren't supposed to take a look into the "rich village". To get there, I had to climb over it and that was the shittiest part of my job. So, the secret tunnel was something to remember. Though, it was weird no one I knew, knew of it's existence. It was hidden very well, but considering the situation we lived it, it would be hard to hide anything at all. Maybe I was the only twat who didn't know about it, and the others just kept it a secret from me. Shit, they would never do that. I was too intimidating.

The rich village looked not bad. It was a clean village. The big houses I saw were all made out of bricks, instead of the filthy materials I lived in. There were pretty sidewalks with tall grey things coming out of there. I know they produce light at night, because I've seen it when I had to kill someone who lived in a rich village like this one. In the middle of the two paralleled sidewalks, was one big black road. It was a special road for cars.

"This village is near the city Salvador," Erwin said. Not like I cared or anything. But it was another thing to remember, because stupid people live in big cities like Salvador. They never looked after their stuff, which made it easy to rob them. So, now I was able to get to Salvador through the tunnel to get some more stuff and kill some more bastards. That sounded like a good thing.

After walking for a while past several colored houses, we stopped in front of a white one. They were all built the same, but the distance between them was big. Erwin grabbed his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door with them. There was a weird thing at the bottom of his door. It looked like a smaller door. Maybe it was to put stuff in the house without opening the big door?  
He opened the big door and said: "Welcome in my house. Make yourself at home."

I walked into the white hall and opened the door to the even whiter living room.  
"It's very clean in here," I noticed. I took off my shoes and put them down next to the white couch that stood against the wall. Just when I sat down, the clock above the couch started tolling. It said it was already 5 o'clock.

"Yeah, I guess it's in my blood," he answered while entering the living room too.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm German. A clean house is important to them. You too, right? I mean, Ackerman sounds pretty German to me."

I shrugged. "Whatever."

"Do you want to drink or eat anything?" Erwin asked and disappeared into what looked like the kitchen.

"Tea," I said after him.

I took a look around. Erwin sure had some expensive things in his house. Did he steal it all or was he really that rich? I stood up and walked to one of the cupboards. For some reason it was locked, because I didn't open when I tried to. This was probably where he kept his weapons or money or even both. I tried opening it once more. But when I was pulling it again, Erwin came in with two hot cups of tea. I stopped immediately and acted like I was just looking at the stuff on the lower desk next to it. That stuff was pretty interesting too. There were some pictures of Erwin when he was younger, standing next to an old man with a grey beard and one more recently picture of him with another man. That old man... He looked familiar. Have I met him before? No, that couldn't be. I couldn't forget such a face. I never forgot any faces at all. He looked like Erwin. Were they family? Definitely. Was it his dad? It could be his grandpa as well. Or maybe even his uncle.

Erwin came standing beside me and gave me one of the steaming cups. I made sure to touch his warm hand in the process of grabbing it. I didn't really care how dirty they were. He was German anyway.  
"Here's you're tea. Watch out, it's hot," he warned. "Is it interesting?"

I nodded and grabbed one of the pictures with the old man with my free hand and asked: "Who's this?"

"My father. He has passed away when I was still a young kid."

"And that?" I asked and pointed at the other man.

"That was my previous boss, Keith Shadis. I worked for him as his right-hand man. But unfortunately, he was killed a few weeks ago. So, I'd like to work with you instead, since not everything is finished. There are several people that I still need to take care of. But we'll talk about that."

Erwin took a sip of his tea and gestured at me to sit, while he sat down on the little table in front of the couch. I caught him starring at me as I was drinking. Maybe he poisoned it. Not like it would be a surprise or something. His tea did taste a bit different though. It had a much stronger taste than my tea. Maybe because my tea was rubbish and cheap. I just starred back at him. And shit, I really wanted to kiss his fucking face. Like, every single spot. He was so damn nice.

"That's a, ehm... special way to hold your cup," he apparently said.

I looked down at my hand. My fingers were holding the top of the cup instead of holding the cup's handle like "normal" people do. Though, I had to admit that my way of holding it was kinda weird. So, I had not much to defend myself and the only way to cover up my defeat without looking like a total loser, was to turn it into anger. That made me say: "Fuck off, pig."

Mister Handsome didn't return the compliment. He just smiled at me - which was fine by me - and continued drinking. Not even two seconds after that, he placed his empty cup besides him. Then he changed his position as if he was gonna have a really deep conversation with me; his thick eyebrows turned into a frown, his smile disappeared and he leaned a bit over.  
"So Levi," he started. "what were you doing on that roof? Were you spying on me?"

"Tch. Why can't a man just sit on a roof?" I asked, kinda irritated because he brought it up.

Erwin smirked and said: "Ah, of course. I totally forgot about that." He leaned back to open a drawer on the back of the table. Then, he returned to his original position with in his hand a piece of metal. A gun. He didn't point it directly at me, but the fact that he was in possession of a lethal weapon at this very moment, was already a threat on its own. What was this sudden change of mood?  
"Let me ask you again, Levi, what were you doing on that roof?"

Even after this dangerous twist, I showed no emotions, simply because I didn't had any. And there was no way I'm gonna tell that perfect bastard what I actually did up there. I looked at the gun he held in the gap between his legs and said: "If I were as rich as you are, I would've bought some manners."

"Answer my question," he said and impatiently shook the gun up and down.

"I wasn't spying. I was just observing you. Nothing more."

Erwin raised one eyebrow at me and asked: "Why?"

"I was interested in you," I said. But I didn't want him to find out I actually just liked to stare at me, so I quickly added: "For my own goals."

"You what? Why?"

"Because... because. I have my reasons. But I'm not a spy. I'm serious."

"Very well," he said and stood up. He put the gun back in the drawer. "Sorry for that. I personally believe that threatening people is an effective way to make them talk, but apparently, this doesn't apply to you. We'll talk some other time about it. So, how long did you plan to stay here? Do you wanna have dinner over here? I'm eating rice with vegetables and meat."

Meat?! He had enough money to buy meat?! And he wanted to share it with me?! I blinked a few times in confusion.

"S- sure." I tried to sound as cold as possible, but this was about meat. But then I realized something, he couldn't afford normal meat, like chicken or cow, so he probably ate human meat. I mean, he does kill people, so why not eat them? Or maybe it was pigeon meat. Where I came from, we ate it as a replacement for normal meat, but it was kinda gross because it was chewy and didn't have a good taste at all.

"What kinda meat is it actually?" I asked to be sure.

"Cow."

COW?! HE DID HAVE THE MONEY! And cow's meat was the most expensive kind of meat! How?!

"Is that okay with you, Levi?" he asked, probably because one of my eyes twitched.

"Yes."

"Now, would you like some more tea?"

I nodded, as soon as I calmed down a bit from the excitement. How was I supposed to say no to tea? Erwin stood up and reached his hand out to me. The man who threatened to kill me not even a few minutes ago, now wanted to help me to get off the couch. What kind of weird person was he actually? But, that didn't restrain myself from grabbing his hand, even though he probably didn't wash them properly. Erwin pulled me up on my feet and I made sure to hold his hand a little bit longer than necessary. Just because I could.  
"Follow me to the kitchen," he said. So I did.

The kitchen was pretty clean and it smelled fresh. Erwin grabbed the kettle and filled it with water. I jumped on the counter where I watched him pulling two new clean glasses out of the cabinet and placing them next to me. He then opened the refrigerator to get something. But he was standing with his back to me, so I had a nice view of his ass. It was by far the most perfect ass I've ever seen in my entire life. I bit my lip while imagining what his ass would look like without those jeans. I bet his but was as muscles as his arms. Damn, what if he held me with those arms? He could squeeze the life outta me.  
The sounds of the closing refrigerator pulled my out of my weird fantasies. Erwin walked back to me with a pack of some juice in his hand. With a small _'click'_ he twisted off the cap of the new pack and poured the white into his glass. But instead of drinking it right away, he grabbed the kettle and filled my glass with steaming water. How nice of him.

"This is where you can find the teabags," he said and pointed at one of the cabinets before opening it and pulled them out of there. The brown color spread itself in the hot water when he lowered the teabag into my cup. I grabbed my tea the way I always do and blew in it, so it could cool off a bit. When I looked beside me, I saw Erwin holding his cup like me. He smiled very satisfied, as if he just told me a very good joke, and raised his big ass eyebrows when he took a sip. Ha ha... Very funny, bastard.  
Well, it did turn out to be very funny in the end, because he chocked on his drink which caused him to cough uncontrollably. He turned around to the sink and held the counter for his dear life. For some reason I didn't quite understand, he also let the tap water running. I patted him on his back.

"Take it easy, you piece of shit," I said. Apparently, this was one of the very rare occasions I really enjoyed and a small smile appeared on my face. Of course I made sure Erwin didn't see me smiling, because that would be bad for my image.

Erwin finally got a hold of his breath again. The purpose of the tap water was revealed too, because he used it to drink. I still didn't really get it though, since he had a glass of his white drink right next to him. Maybe only rich people were dumb enough to waste clean water, but that was none of my business.  
"Sorry," he said with a hoarse voice. "I guess I just can't handle it."

"Of course you can't, bastard." I was wearing my not-amused expression again. Right timing though, because Erwin just looked up from the sink. His hair was a bit out of model. Ugh, he looked too good to be real.

"You're handsome," I accidentally mumbled. SHIT! WH- WHAT WAS I THINKING?! I focused my eyes on my shoes and felt I became flustered because of my fucking comment. Tch! M- maybe he didn't hear it? I mean, he didn't say anyth--

"You're pretty handsome yourself."

I turned my head in a flash. Did I hear that right? Did he just-- Wait! I scowled at him. He was trying to be polite or even to recruit me of course. Well, sweet talk wasn't gonna work on me. Fuck him and his pretty face. Literally. But now I had to restore the fault I just made. We stared confused at each other and there was an awkward and painful silence in which we did nothing more than thinking of something to say.  
"But you're to old for me. You're probably forty or even older," I decided to say after a while.

"Do I really look that old?" he asked and purposely tried to sound a bit hurt. "I'm only two to three years older than you are."

Oh... Two to three years didn't really made that big of a difference. Then his age would be-- "Wait! How do you know my age?"

Erwin smiled at me and shrugged while continuing drinking his white stuff. Was he bluffing or was he serious? This bastard. Damn it.  
I took a good look at him. He was a very nice view. His face was a pleasure to look at. Not only his face, his whole body. Especially his neck. His muscles were made by angels and his collarbones were signed by god. Damn, he could defeat me by just standing in front of me. And his face. Damn, his face was wonderful. I hated every fucking aspect in this universe, except for Erwin (his face). His enormous eyebrows made his clear blue eyes pop out of that angelic face of his. All of his lines were on point; his jaw was so sharp and you could slice a throat with it, his nose was so manly and nice while I was walking around with some weak ass pussy nose, and his damn cheekbones were the reason I wanted to stab myself with his jaw 'cause they were the most perfect cheekbones ever. Like, after looking at Erwin for one fucking second, I wouldn't mind to become blind. Because I've already seen all the beauty there was left in this damn fucked up world. There was nothing else to be seen. There was nothing more perfect than Erwin. From his golden hair to his long slim legs squeezed into his light blue jeans, everything was perfect. But damn, his ass. There was no better ass. It looked tight and muscular, yet it looked like a nice and comfortable pillow. Ah shit, this man gave me such an inferiority complex.

"Hey Levi, why don't you take a bath?" he disrupted my thoughts for a second time. "You know, just to feel at ease in my house."

"Tch. Did that nose-friend of yours told you that? Well, I suggest you to take a bath yourself, since you're the one that smells like shit."

He started laughing at that and said: "Drink your tea and come with me please."

I still didn't understand why, but I did what he told me to do without even thinking. Were it his blue eyes that controlled me like some zombie? Or his smile? Or maybe his low yet warm voice? I had no clue, but I was enchanted by him. I once heard about witchcraft, so he might be a witch. No, never mind, they didn't exist, damn it.

We ended up standing in his room, one stair away from the living room. While he was grabbing stuff out of his closet, I took a look around his white room. There was a double bed, which made me think he already had a partner. But then again, he didn't have pictures of a potential partner which made it more likely to believe he was just single. And The Nose wasn't his partner either, because he didn't say anything when Erwin took me home. If I were in a relationship with Erwin - I had thought of being with him since the first time I'd seen him, so it was actually my goal to make that shit come true - then I would never let him take anyone home without my supervision, because, hell to the fucking no, everyone would fall flat on their faces for Erwin, so I couldn't let anyone try to steal him from me.

"Levi," Erwin said. He turned around with his clothes and a towel in his hands. "You can wear these right now. I'll wash your clothes, so they'll be fresh again when you wear them."

"You smart bastard," I started while taking the clothes. "You want me to stay here and work with you. And if you wash my damn clothes, that means that I'll have to stay at least one fucking day."

Erwin put his big hand on my shoulder.  
"I'm not forcing you to stay, you know. That would be kidnapping and that's against the law. Choose whatever you want."

"I'm barely aware of the law," I said while walking out of his room. "I'll find the bathroom myself. You just do your shit."

"Sure. I'm gonna prepare our dinner. Call me whenever you need something."

Shitty hell of a shit world. Erwin is amazing. He's too perfect to be even real. I opened a door near the bedroom, while looking at Erwin who was walking down the stairs, and apparently, that one was the bathroom. I was hesitating whether to lock the door or keeping it unlocked. But, with the fact that Erwin could step in any moment and stab me to death, I was able to convince myself to lock it.

Warm water was already running into the bathtub while I was undressing myself. It took me a damn eternity to unbutton all of the buttons on my white button up shirt. Shit, I really had to find another way of wearing it. I released myself from the rest of my clothes, and lowered my body into the warm water. To be honest, it was pretty relaxing. But, right now, I had to think of what I was gonna do next. Did I have to join Erwin or not? The thing was, I fell in love with his face at first sight. And apparently, his personality was even more perfect. But, what if I did work with him? What would that be like? I knew that he wants me to kill people, which I already did before I even met him, so that was not the problem. It were the smaller details that bothered me. Like, how was he gonna pay me? Where did I have to live? How was I supposed to kill someone? Who did I even have to kill? He really had to answer all of those questions, and even more, to get me to work with him.  
I grabbed the shampoo and started to wash my hair. I was secretly hoping for my hair to turn out as shiny as Erwin's, but the only thing that really happened was the shampoo getting into my eye. This shit only happened to me. It stung like hell and I had the feeling that I would be blind for the rest of my life. In that case I would need a guide dog. So, I needed to come up with a name. I could call him after my mom Kuchel. Nah, that would be rude. Not like I was a perfect child or something. I couldn't call him Erwin either, even though Erwin was a filthy shit dog, because if I really turned out to be blind, I would want Erwin as my caretaker, or else I would demand a big sum of money. Ah! I could call my dog after that nose-friend of Erwin's. But, what was his name again? I thought it was something with a "M". Miller? Mark? Marco? ... Mike? Yeah, it was definitely Miller. I guess it was decided, my guide dog was gonna be called Miller. Such a shit name for a shit dog, all caused by a shit shampoo from a shit person in my shit eye.  
The shampoo finally got outta my eye. Fortunately, I was still able to see shit, so I didn't have to worry about my Miller dog and not being able to see Erwin's face ever again. I continue my bath as normally as possible and decided that it was enough excitement for today after a while. So, I stepped out of the bathtub. It was surprisingly cold. I shivered and put the towel around myself.  
'Let's see what kinda clothes that bastard gave me,' I thought and looked at the pile of clothes. The first things I saw were grey sweatpants and socks. Then, I saw a white piece of clothing. A shirt? I grabbed it and unfolded it. Yes, it was a shirt. But, when I unfolded it, something fell out of it. It was also white. When I lifted it up from the ground, I suddenly got very excited and felt my cheeks getting warmer. This... this was _his_ underwear. I was gonna wear the thing that kept _his_ ass warm. I dried myself very quick, so I could wear his clothes. I had no clue why and how, but his clothes were unbelievably comfortable. Too big, but comfortable.

The scent of food entered my nose as I went downstairs. My hair was still kinda damp. I had my towel wrapped around my neck to catch the drops that were still falling. I walked into the kitchen and saw Erwin standing behind the stove. Fuck, he was wearing an apron.

"Ah, Levi, good timing," he said as soon as he noticed me. "How does this rice tastes?" He was holding up a spoon with the white rice on it. I came closer and opened my mouth. Erwin gently put the spoon into my mouth. Can I kiss him already?! I've had rice before, but his rice... His rice was outstanding. It was just perfect. As usually, I wanted to say that it tasted like shit, but I couldn't. It was too heavenly.

"Do I need to add more salt?" he asked. I shook my head. Salt would only ruin it. When I took a look in the other pots and pans, I saw a lot of vegetables I've never seen before, an unknown kind of sauce and... MEAT. This made me so excited for dinner. Dinner with the most handsome man ever. It was even prepared by the most handsome man ever.

"How was you bath?" Erwin asked. He really tried to keep this conversation going, wasn't he?

"Wet."

He turned his face to me and started to laugh out loud. Fucking beautiful.  
"Hilarious!" he said and clapped his hand together. "Now, will you help me to set the table?"

We finished in no time. Erwin gave me all the stuff and I put them on the table. I sat down in front of him. There were a lot extra things on the table, because Erwin made things like "tomato with mozzarella" and "cucumber". I had actually no fucking idea what it was, but it looked nice. Erwin opened the pans and put rice, sauce and all the new vegetables on my plate until I told him to stop. Then he opened the frying pan. The scent of spices and meat entered my nose. It caused my mouth to fill itself with water. He carefully put the beef at the side of my plate.  
"Dig in. I hope it tastes good. And if not, let me know and I'll order Chinese food or pizza," Erwin said.

Shit, he wanted to do that just for me. That kinda touched me in some way. Maybe I'll stay after all. I mean, he did have some "good" shit. There were actually three reasons for me to stay:  
1\. He's incredibly good looking.  
2\. Free food - and hell, it tasted amazing.  
3\. In one way or another, it felt nice being with him.

But then there was one crucial reason that restrained me from joining him:  
1\. I couldn't trust him (yet).

Then I noticed that the sound of silverware on plates stopped. Erwin looked at me and placed his knife and fork besides his plate.

"Don't you like your food?" he asked with an expression of concern showing off his face.

"What do you want?" I asked, not amused at all.

Erwin raised an eyebrow. I don't even know how he's able to move those big ass things.  
"What do you mean? I was just wondering why you haven't touched your food yet."

I crossed my arms over my chest and rolled my eyes. How could he not know what I was talking about? I mean, I was clearly referring to the thing he said a little while ago. _"So, I'd like to work with you instead, since not everything is finished."_ What work was he talking about?  
"Tch. Don't act like you don't know, you dumbass. Tell me what kinda work you meant back then. When you were talking about that old sack of shit of yours on that photo."

"Ah. Well, there are some people I need to get rid of. Will you help me?"

"Who?"

"You'll see then."

It was too vague. There was no way I wanted to work with this man. I wouldn't mind staying with him as his partner. Just look at him. He was perfect. But, I wouldn't want to be his partner _in crime_. He was too unreliable.  
"You're an untrustworthy piece of shit," I said while squinting my eyes a bit.

Erwin was looking very deep into my eyes. As if he tried to read my mind. He then leaned over the table for a bit. When he grabbed my spoon, I thought he would take everything that laid in front of me and tell me to fuck off and go home with an empty stomach. But, of course this saint didn't do that. He scooped up some rice and a vegetable instead and lifted it off my plate.  
"Open you mouth. Eat."

Of course I obeyed almost automatically. The spoon entered my word hole. Erwin pulled it out very carefully after I closed my lips. And as soon as the food touched my tongue, and explosion of different tastes filled my mouth. The neutral taste of the rice matched perfectly with the sweet taste of the orange vegetable.  
Why did he give me food instead of scolding me because I just called him a piece of shit? I almost felt sorry for him. But then again, I was a stone.  
"What was that?" I said, referring to the sweet vegetable.

"That orange thing?" he asked while sitting back into his chair.

I rolled my eyes. "What else?" I asked kinda irritated.

"That's a carrot. Have you never eaten it?"

That was the most stupid question I've ever heard. Why would I ask someone what I just ate, when I already knew it?  
"No, you dumb fuck nut. I've never had any of your fucking vegetables."

"Hm. That's pretty interesting."

"Interesting?! Where I came from, starving and dying because of a lack of vitamins wasn't very interesting!" I said, suddenly mad. Well, it wasn't all of the sudden. It was a normal reaction. My bloody mom died because she was ill and her body wasn't strong enough to recover. Everybody was weak in my village and died too soon. We couldn't even grow properly, since milk was only for available for the rich bastards. I once heard that milk would help developing strong bones and make you taller. I tried stealing milk ever since, but it never paid off, so I'm only 5' 3''. I didn't even have the slightest clue of what that damn milk looked like.  
"You're fucking disturbing, Erwin Smith," I added.

"I'm sorry, Levi," he said and it wasn't hard to tell that he really meant it. "It was stupid of me to put it that way. I meant that I find it _remarkable_ how you don't know the things that are very common in my life. I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way. I didn't mean to do that."

Damn it. How will I ever get mad at him, if he apologized so politely? I like it whenever I get mad at people and stay mad at them. It gives me the feeling like no one can ever mess with me, because they will always feel guilty if I don't accept their apologies. It made me feel like the alpha around. But Erwin, that bastard just made me fucking forgive him.  
"Tch. Fine. Stop apologizing already. It's annoying."

He smiled at me and told me to continue eating, which I did. While eating, he told me about all the vegetables I put into my mouth. I ate carrot, broccoli, green beans and peas. They were very delicious, but I didn't tell Erwin. He shouldn't get too full of himself. That bastard.

I took a look at him. He was cutting his meat with his knife and used his fork to hold it in it's place and to eat it. That was kinda different from the way I wanted to eat my meat. I just wanted to grab it with both of my hands and dig in like there was no tomorrow. I observed him for some little time. Then I tried to copy him and held my silverware like he did. But when I made an effort to cut my meat, I failed. My knife wouldn't cut through my beef. That was a bummer. I tried picking up the pace of cutting, but that didn't work as well. Frustrated like a little brat, I threw my knife and fork on the table and crossed my arm over my chest. Fuck that meat. I glared at what used to be a cow. Erwin looked up at me with a small grin on his face.  
"Are you okay, Levi?"

"Tch. Your meat sucks."

Erwin reached out for my plate and pulled it to himself. He picked up my silverware and cut my beef into small pieces.  
"I'll teach you the proper way to use your silverware someday."

"I'm not a child," I said. But, deep inside I was kinda thankful. No one has actually ever helped me. It may sound very melodramatic, but it's true. That kinda confused me in some way. So, I secretly looked forward to when he would teach me how to do it.

"I know," he said. "Now eat your meat. I want to see your reaction. This is your first time, right?"

I nodded and pressed the ends of my fork in a piece of meat. I put it into my mouth and chewed. My jaw slowly moved up and down. I let the new flavors flow on taste buds. My eyes were still focused on Erwin. He was waiting for something to happen. He expected some kind of reaction. But, this meat... This meat...

I turned my head to the floor and spat the piece onto it. Before I turned my head back to meet Erwin's beautiful face, I stared at the dirty spot for a little while. There was a long silence.  
"It's disgusting," I said and waited for Erwin's reaction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been writing and correcting this chapter for like an eternity and this chapter (Amayasi pt.1) was supposed to be like 30k words but I thought that'd be a bit too much, so I had to cut it into parts ugh. Though that means that the other parts of Amayasi are already done so they'll follow soon!!  
> thanks for reading and leave some feedback or comments if you feel like it :)


	2. Amayasi pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the end of the day, I was trying to "relax" a bit, while starting at Erwin. Erwin was sitting at the dining table, doing his thing. He had turned on a "radio".
> 
> A certain song started playing. I saw Erwin looking up at me.  
> "Hey Levi," he started. "Do you know how to dance?"
> 
> I shook my head. Of course I didn't know it. I had no time for that shit. I was too busy surviving this damn world. Erwin stood up.

Erwin looked shocked and hurt.  
"Uh... Do you want to eat anything else? I- I have chicken if you want to. Or do you prefer pork? I don't have it at home at this moment, but I'll go buy some at the butcher."

"The butcher?"

"You know... That's were you can buy meat."

They had a place for that? Whenever we wanted to eat a pigeon, we just threw stones at them or shot them outta the sky. And when we ate fish, we first had to catch them outta the water, with our own bare hands. But, those rich bastards, had a fucking place to buy meat. This was such a cruel world. The unfairness was unlimited.  
"Tch. I'll just eat this cow," I said.

"Don't force yourself. You don't have to. If you don't like it, I can get you everything you want," he answered.

I looked at my plate. Erwin was too nice. And I couldn't stand it. It was so frustrating and fucking annoying, damn it. That was why I acted as if the meat was disgusting, while it was fucking delicious. It was too different from my normal way of living. It was always like: when life punches you in the face, you have to grab it's arm and twist it until it breaks and then run the hell away before it calls for reinforcement. But in Erwin's way of living, life doesn't even punch you in the face, but it gives you good things. Like meat.

When I finished my dinner, Erwin took my empty plate to the kitchen, together with his own. He came back with some napkins to clean the floor. The sight of Erwin cleaning my mess, felt weird. It made me feel like... like a total brat. I even felt kinda embarrassed and awkward.  
"I'll clean it," I said.

"Don't sweat it. It's already done," he answered. He stood up again. "Will you help me do the dishes?"

I nodded. That was actually the least I could do for him. So, we headed to the kitchen with a few other things of the table in our hands. We put those things in place and Erwin grabbed two cups.  
"Wanna drink something?"

I shook my head. I already drank two cups of tea and I knew my limits. Erwin walked to the refrigerator and grabbed the same drink like before. The white juice filled the cup. I was wondering what he was drinking. By the looks of it, he was enjoying it.  
"What's that?" I asked.

"Milk."

MILK! I was so triggered by that fucking word, that one of my eyes twitched. I needed some of that milk. I was looking for it so long. And now, it was right under my damn nose. I had to have it. I had to grow. I wanted to get taller. Like Erwin.  
"I wanna drink too."

Erwin gave me a full glass of milk after he nodded and said: "Here you go," while adding a wink. I drank every single drop within a few seconds. It wasn't exactly the amazing taste I imagined, but the thought of getting taller was enough to ask for another round.  
"Fill it again," I said and shove the empty cup towards Erwin.

He gave me what I asked for. This time, I drank even faster. Erwin looked kinda weird at me. I pretty much did know where that came from, since I probably looked like a milk-maniac. Especially when I returned the cup for a third one.  
"More," I demanded.

Erwin raised an eyebrow at me. He twisted the cap off the pack of milk again and let the fluids fill my cup.  
"You shouldn't drink too much. An overdose can damage your health. So, this will be your last. Besides, you don't even look like you like it. Is there anything that makes you do this?"

Tch. He was too good for his own good. He knew my objective. But I felt perfectly fine. I even bet I could've drink everything if I didn't obey him. But, I did listen to him. I was as weak as a fucking twat. I put the empty glass in the sink.  
"Let's clean," I said and turned on the tap water.

"Wait a moment," Erwin said. He came closer. Very close. So close, I could even smell him, and let me tell you, he smelled hella good. But, he was too close to do nothing not weird. Was he going to kiss me? Or at least just hug me?

Then, he held my face between his warm hands. It was as if everything went in slowmotion from that point. His eyes were focused on mine and I stared back. His lips were slightly parted. Damn it, I wasn't ready for this at all. Like, I'm not even sure if there was still rice sticking between my teeth, because, that would be fucking gross. My heart was pounding behind my ribcage. I was afraid it might jump outta there and let me die without ever knowing what his lips felt like. They were probably, no, they were certainly soft. Shit, my lips were dry as fuck. It would be like kissing a fucking desert. Shit, I was fucked. Especially when I noticed how hot my head got. My cheeks were probably a bright red. I didn't mind to die that moment though.  
His eyes were now focused on my mouth. I then noticed that his thumbs were moving. They were moving towards my lips. Damn it, I literally stopped breathing. And then, he touched my lips. His thumbs were a real pleasure, so warm, so soft, so gentle. He moved them over my lips. Very carefully he swept them over my lips. His gentle touch was already enough to make me drool, damn it.  
But then, he pulled them back. He retreated entirely without kissing me. What the fuck. I felt very disappointed. He was more cruel than I expected. How could he? I wanted to break my empty glass and stab him with the broken pieces. Asshole.

I stared confused at him. My heart was still beating fast and my cheeks we still melting from the heat. What did he actually do? Was he waiting for me to kiss him first? I bet he was just teasing me. That bastard. Erwin turned around to the sink and washed his hands. Were my lips that dirty?  
"Everything okay, Levi?" he asked and turned his head towards me.

"What the hell did you do?"

"Ah," Erwin said while a little smile appeared on his face. "You had a milk moustache. I cleaned it for you."

That son of a bitch. I thought that he was going to kiss me.  
"I thought--" I suddenly closed my mouth and stopped talking just in time. I almost said it and that would've make things very awkward for the two of us.

"What did you thought?"

"Tch," I turned my head away from him. "I thought... we were gonna do the dishes."

Erwin's smile grew bigger and said: "Of course we are. Will you dry? I'll tell you where everything is, so you can put it all in its place. That way you'll learn where you can find everything."

So, that's how we ended up cleaning. We were quiet while we were at it. It was pretty nice to say nothing for once. The only sounds were the sounds of the plates when they touched the others, or Erwin's nice voice telling me where to put all the shit I dried.

"Levi," Erwin started. "Can I ask you a couple of questions? You don't have to answer them of you don't feel like it."

"Then what's the fucking point?"

"I want to let you know that I don't wanna force you into doing things you don't wanna do. It's a free country we're living in. Make your own choices. But, don't regret them."

"Alright. Ask them."

"Where do you live?"

"..." I didn't answer that one. It was too personal. I didn't want him to follow me once I left this house for good.

"What do you eat over there?"

"Disgusting bread, rice, flower bulbs, corn and pigeon eggs. I had to catch fish and pigeons to eat them. And we drank filthy water and beer. Stuff like that."

"Hm. Do you have a family?"

"..."

"Who's living with you?"

"No one."

"How are you actually?"

"Fine."

"Did you have a nice day?"

I shrugged.

"What did you do on that roof?"

"..."

"Do you wanna stay here and work with me?"

"..."

"Alright. Do you have any questions for me?"

Are you married? Why do you look so good? Did you really think I'm handsome? Will you kiss me? Why do you want to work with me? Are you in any kind of relationship? What are you thinking right now? Who was that nose-man Miller? Where did you get all the money? Why do you kill people? What do you think of me? Do you have a family? What are you planning to do with me? How will you react if I told you what I did on that roof? Are you gay? Why are your eyebrows that big? Where did you learn to cook? Why are you that tall?  
"No."

Erwin smiled at me. He stepped away from the sink and dried his hands.  
"We're all done. Let's just go get some sleep. There's only one bed though. It's in the room where I gave you those clothes before you took a bath."

Only one bed? So... that meant we were going to sleep together? Damn, I couldn't deny I really wanted to fucking do that for a while now, but... wasn't this going a little too quick? What if I messed this first night, and he wouldn't want to sleep with me ever again? I couldn't risk it.

He put his hand om my back and and kinda pushed me towards the stairs. Then, that very hand slipped to my shoulder. My shoulder was getting really hot underneath it. Did it mean something? Did he like me or anything? Did I have any chances? Erwin opened the door to the bedroom and flicked on the light.  
"I don't know what you usually wear while sleeping, but you can grab something out of the closet if you want to. You can also lock the door if you feel threatened by me. But, just so you know it, I won't try to hurt you in any way. Just sleep well. And if you have any kind of questions, I'll be downstairs, sleeping on the couch."

He patted me on my head and then left the room. It was quiet. I had to admit that, even though the thought of it already made me anxious as fuck, I was kinda disappointed to heard he wasn't sleeping with me. I actually sorta wanted to do it. I looked out of the window. It was dark outside, which was normal, since it was night. But, for the first time ever, I wasn't freezing, because it was pretty warm inside Erwin's house. Before I closed the curtains, I stared into the darkness. The thought of sleeping comfortable for the first time since forever, was a good one.  
Erwin was so nice to me. He was probably the only human who has ever been nice to me. I was kinda at ease with him. It felt good. Maybe I'll stay after all.  
I opened the closet and grabbed a white button up shirt. I usually wore them, so they were comfortable. Though, his button up shirt was bigger than I expected. I had the feeling as if I was drowning in it. But, they were Erwin's, so that was fine. I didn't change my sweatpants though. They were alright.

After I turned off the light, I walked to the bed and lifted up the blanket. Everything seemed clean. Did he change the sheets? Was he expecting me all along? That idea kinda crept me out. But, I laid down under the blanket anyways and pulled it up until my chin. I turned my head on the pillow. It smelled like Erwin. I snuggled my nose even deeper into the pillow and inhaled the nice scent. I closed my eyes. I tried to sleep, but it was hard. The thought that he knew I was coming and planned everything, was weird. Maybe he was already following me for a while, without me knowing a thing of it. Erwin Smith... Could I trust him?

Then, I heard someone - certainly Erwin - knocking on the door. I didn't lock the door, so he could enter the room if he wanted to.  
"Levi? Can I come in? I need to change," he asked from behind the door.

"Yes," I answered right away. The image of Erwin changing in the very same room where I was, popped into my head.

A beam of light entered the room as he opened the door.  
"I'm sorry for disrupting you," he said while digging in the closet. "You weren't sleeping, were you?"

I shook my head. Tch, dumbass me, he couldn't hear me shaking my head.  
"No," I said to clarify my answer.

I was about to ask him about the bedsheets and got up to do so, but as soon as I looked at him, I froze. Erwin fucking Smith, that son of a damn bitch, was shirtless. It was dark, but my eyes were pretty used to it, so I could see him crystal clear. He was changing his shirt, and hell, my eyes were blessed. Not bad. Not bad at all. His body was muscled and tight. I looked at his abs. I could literally smash a wall with it. And his v-line came out of his jeans to meet his waist. It was so perfect, I didn't even notice how I let out a sigh while looking. Erwin turned around at that.  
"Sorry. I'm already leaving," he said, probably thinking I sighted because I was annoyed or anything. But it was on the contrary, I totally enjoyed it. He was so damn hot. Why couldn't we just share the bed?

Shit, I was distracted, and completely forgot that I wanted to ask him about the bed. Erwin already headed towards the door, when I blurted out the question.  
"Oi Erwin, did you clean the sheets?"

He turned around. It was as if his blue eyes shone in the dark.  
"Yes, I did. When you took your bath," he answered with a sweet smile on his face. "Sleep well, Levi."  
He shut the door and it was quiet again. This time, when I closed my eyes, I fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

Light peeking through the curtains caused me to wake up. I had no clue where the fuck I was at first. But after a moment, I remembered I was in Erwin's room. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that again. And I was surprised to find out I was still alive. I didn't really see that one coming. It may sounds harsh, but I expected that he'd kill me at night or poison my food.  
I stood up and walked to the bathroom. I had to pee real bad. After I took care of that, I walked downstairs. I was secretly hoping to see Erwin while he was still sleeping, but he was up already. He was standing in the kitchen, cooking stuff. I bet he heard me coming, because he turned around.  
"Good morning, Levi," he said with a smile. "Did you sleep well?"

I nodded. Then I looked at whatever the fuck he was doing. By the looks of it, he was flipping something with a wooden spoon.  
"What are you doing?" I asked, while approaching him.

"I'm making breakfast. I hope you're hungry."

I took a look at the breakfast in the frying pan. I saw some pink things and eggs.  
"What's it? What's that pink stuff? And is that an pigeon or chicken egg?"

"It's beacon and eggs," he explained. "Beacon is pig meat. Maybe this will taste better than the cow we ate yesterday. And it's chicken egg."

"Tch." He still thought I didn't like it. It was fucking delicious. I was drooling while eating that shit. I've never tasted something that good before. I saw stars while eating it and I've never felt more alive that moment. But I acted as if I didn't enjoy eating it, to make fun of him. That was just my kind of humor.

"Quit whining over that meat. It was not that bad."

Erwin chuckled. His hand reached out for my face and the back of his hand stroked my cheek.  
"Can you get me two plates, please?"

My cheeks were staring to flush at his gentle touch, so I walked quickly to one of the cabinets to hide it. But, because of my rush, I opened the wrong one. There weren't any plates in it, but there were only cups instead.

"It's the one on the left," Erwin told me.

I nodded and opened it. I handed over the plates and watched him putting the so called "beacon and eggs" on it. We walked together to the table in the back of the living room and sat down. He already put some other things on the table, like a steaming cup with brown shit in it. It smelled pretty good though.  
"What's that?" I asked as I pointed at the cup.

"What? My coffee?"

I rolled my eyes. What else? And how was I supposed to know that it was his "coffee" or something like that?  
"You tell me that. I don't know what the fuck that it. That's why I asked, dumbass."

Erwin chuckled and said: "Well, it's coffee. I always drink it every morning, because the caffeine helps me to wake up. Uh, do you wanna taste it? Be my guest."

I looked at the cup, and the back at Erwin. Hm, it didn't smell bad or anything, so I supposed it wouldn't hurt if I did give it at least one try, I thought. I grabbed the cup and slowly lifted it up towards my lips. After Erwin's warning that I might be hot and I that I could burn my mouth if I wasn't carefully enough, I made sure to blow. Then, I took one big gulp. But damn, fuck this shit. It was bitter as fuck and I had a hard time swallowing it.  
"Are you outta your fucking stupid mind? This is tastes like... shit!"

Erwin laughed instead. I handed over the cup of shit and watched Erwin drink it without any casualties. After he'd finished, he placed the cup on the table and said: "Let's eat. Maybe you can make the bad taste you experienced just now go away."

We basically ate in silence, but that was fine. The food was good too. The beacon was as delicious as yesterday's cow, and the chicken eggs were so much better than the pigeon eggs I used to eat.  
Erwin told me to eat bread. I said I didn't want any, because I didn't like bread. But, I was thinking about the bread I ate back at my place. So, I gave his bread a try, and it was quite nice. It had a better taste than all the bread I've ever had.

The rest of the day was pretty boring. We just sat and talked for a bit. Erwin really was a nice guy. He really listened to me and he even laughed when I told some bad joke or used my sarcasm. It was even hard for me to hide a smile of my own, because I actually felt happy since such a long time. But, I had a reputation going on, so I had to keep my face straight.  
At the end of the day, I was sitting on the couch, trying to "relax" a bit, while starting at Erwin. Erwin was sitting at the dining table, doing his thing. Sometimes he would look up at me to give me a warm smile. He had turned on a "radio". I had no idea what the fuck it was, but apparently it made music. I assume only rich people could afford such a thing.

A certain song started playing. I saw Erwin looking up at me - I was actually still staring at him, since I had no other stuff to do, so that's why I noticed it.  
"Hey Levi," he started. "Do you know how to dance?"

I shook my head. Of course I didn't know it. I had no time for that shit. I was too busy surviving this damn world. Erwin stood up.

"Come. I'll show you," he said and reached out his hand to me, after turning the music up. There were only instruments playing, but as soon as I stood up, a voice began to sing. _"There are places I remember"_ was the first sentence. I didn't know how, but it brought back some memories of the past. Bad memories... Memories about the way I grew up and how I had to survive. The dirty environment and the places I've been...  
Fuck those memories. I quickly moved them out of my head and stood up and looked at the demi-god named Erwin. I walked towards him. This was my chance to get closer to him. Literally. So, I shouldn't let dumb thoughts ruin this moment.

It was a slow song, so I thought it'd be easy, since I didn't had to move fast or anything. I looked up at Erwin. Damn, he sure was one piece of hot beef.  
"Alright, it's not so hard to dance. You just have to follow my steps and don't be afraid to make any mistakes," he said with a nice smile on his face.

He grabbed my hands. Mine were so small compared to his. His warm hands could close all the way around mine. He lifted one of my hands up to his neck and slowly lowered his own on my waist. Shit, I was starting to blush already. He held my right hand in his and lifted them on shoulder height. Maybe he was gay after all. I mean, I've never seen a straight male who asked another man to come that close to him. Though, he didn't pull my against him or anything. Unfortunately.  
"Okay, look, we're going to follow the rhythm of the music and step out to the right with our right feet. And then our left will go after, and back," he instructed.

"Your right or my right?"

"Yours of course," he answered with a wink.

We both stepped out, but I stepped in with my left foot immediately after it, and apparently that I wasn't meant to do that.  
"Slow down," Erwin said. "You gotta follow the music. Don't be hasty. Listen, there are four steps in the song. 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, etcetera. Step on each count. Let's try it again."

I looked down at his feet. He stepped out and I mirrored him. Then, he stepped in again, and he kept repeating it. I followed every single step. After a little while, I thought I finally got the hang of it. It was pretty easy. Just stepping.  
"Now, I want you to follow me as I lead you into different directions. I'll push or pull your right hand, so you'll know where I want you to go. And don't try to look down that much," Erwin said, while he kept dancing.

I hesitantly looked up into his bright blue eyes and felt him pulling my hand a bit towards himself. This was my cue to turn into that direction. But, of course, I was a fucking failure, so I changed directions too fast and bumped my lower body against his. I even stepped on his foot. Damn it. I let go of him and stepped back.  
"Tch. This stupid dance of yours is shit," I said and I noticed that the song we were supposed to dance on had already stopped, because a new one was playing instead. "And the shitty song's over."

I walked back to the couch where I rested my ass and crossed my arms like a fucking twat. Damn. I was kinda glad it was over. I couldn't dance for shit and it was so embarrassing. But then again, this was probably the only chance ever to get that close to him, and I just fucking ruined it. Why didn't I continue that shit? Ugh. And when I bumped into him, our lower bodies met. I was afraid he'd push me off of him if it happened again.

"Levi, I'm going to take a bath. Don't open the door for anyone," Erwin said after a while.  
He disappeared upstairs. He just left me in his house. Damn, he really trusted me. Which I wouldn't. I literally could grab all his stuff and run the hell away. Or I could grab a knife and stab him while he was armless. Damn, I could even look at him when he was naked and jump outta the window and never come back. Shit, I could do so many stuff right now to ruin ass and get away with it.  
But I could also do other things that would make him fall in love with me faster! Like, cleaning his house, or washing his back, or-- Fuck, I could do that now!

I walked up the stairs and stopped in front of the bathroom door. It wasn't locked. I placed my ear against it and tried to figure out if I could hear water. Because, if that was the case, then that meant that he was in the bathtub already, so I could come in. There was a watery sound or something. Yes, he was in the water. I also heard him humming the song we just "danced" on. I raised my fist knock on the door, but before I touched the wooden door, I stopped myself. Was it a good idea to do it? Wasn't it too soon to do something like that? What if he turned my off? That would be embarrassing as fuck. Damn it. He'd probably throw me outta his house or spit in my face. But then again, it was Erwin. Erwin thought he was a fucking saint. He even cleaned up my puked meat. Shit, I hated making decisions. I never know the outcome.  
I sighted and looked at my fist. It was still raised and ready to knock. Damn it. Fuck this shit, I thought, and knocked on the door anyways.  
"Yes?" I heard from the other side.

"Can I come in?" I asked to be sure. I didn't want to make it even more weird.

"Uhm... alright."

Well fuck, that didn't really sound convenient. I carefully opened the door and immediately noticed how much more awkward the situation was going to get. All the damn bubbles were concentrated on one spot; right above his crotch. As if he made sure to move them right there, so I wouldn't see what was underneath it. Shit, maybe he wasn't gay. Now I had to get right down to business, while still bringing as normal as possible. Or else he might start to think of me as some weird pervert. I had to choose my words as carefully was u could.  
"I can wash your back," I blurted out.

Shit! That was way to direct.

"Uh, sure..."

Fuck this, it was not going how I imagined it would go. I felt embarrassed in so many ways. I felt blood rushing to my cheeks. But, it was no option to walk away, that would only make things more difficult.

I slowly approached the bathtub. We both didn't say a word and I grabbed the soap. This awkward silence was gonna be the death of me. He leaned a bit over so I could see his back better. Fuck, his back muscles were showing off. He looked incredibly strong, without looking like he'd exploded any moment. I bet he could lift a house. I started rubbing the soap all over his back, while admiring how beautiful it was.  
There was no way I was going to stay here after this. He will never even allow himself to keep a brat like me in his house. But he hadn't given me back my clothes.  
"Have you washed my clothes?" I asked, since I really needed them to leave.

"No. I, uh, haven't done the laundry yet. Sorry."

It was quiet again. The only sound left, was the sound of water. Why did I thought this would be a good idea? Fuck my life. Though, I was glad he didn't turned around, because I was blushing like a little virgin, but in some way, it looked as if I wasn't the only one. From where I was sitting, it seemed like the tips of Erwin's ears started to get a slightly pink color. Was it because of embarrassment, or did he actually didn't really mind? I hope it was the latter, so I could at least have a little chance of staying with him and maybe even get closer to him in a romantic way.

"Why... are you actually doing this?" he asked kinda awkward.

'Because I wanted to see the perfect muscles and clean skin underneath those fashionable clothes of yours, and I actually wanted you to like me if I did you a favor, so that makes me a kissass,' I thought, because that _was_ the actual reason. But it would be a weird thing to say out of the blue, so I had to come up with something logical. Something he would understand. Just to make it a little less humiliating. What kind of things did he do that I was thankful for? Hm, he took me into his house and outta the shit stained place I had to call "home". He let me have a  _warm_ bath - something I never had. He made me feel good and at ease with his patience and smiles. And he shared a lot of things with me, like little stories, things he knew - for example dancing, even though it felt like I completely fucked up - and food. The food was something normal to be thankful for. So, I guessed I had to say that.  
"Tch. For the food."

He turned his head to me. As soon as our eyes met, I averted mine and stared at the fucking wall besides me instead. Damn it. This was way too awkward. I was just too gay for this shit.  
Erwin cleared his throat and said: "Uhm, you don't have to thank me like this, if it's too... you know, embarrassing for you. Uhm... anyways, I appreciate it that you... cleaned my back."

I refused to say anything, walked away from him and washed my hands in the sink while looking in the damn mirror. I was totally red, so I kinda ran - fast walked - out of the bathroom. Then, I dropped myself down onto the bed in his room, hiding my face in the blanket. I would never face him again. This was the biggest mistake I've ever made. How the fuck was this a good idea? He probably thought I was some weird perverty bastard brat. What if he didn't wanna see me again? I understood though, but still. Damn it. Why didn't I think this through? Shit... I did. But, why didn't I make the fucking right decision? Why am I this stupid. Damn it, I've never felt this dumb in my entire life. I just wanted to die that fucking moment. I rolled myself up into the blankets. Erwin was the most handsome man I've seen in my damn life. And now, I ruined it for myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's really short and soon, but I had to. I had to stop at one crucial moment to make the next chapter a bit more interesting I guess. but it's a fail anyways T_T
> 
> but as always, thank you for reading and I will wait a little longer before I upload the next one, because I'm like already done with the next chapter of my other eruri story and I wanted to upload that was well, and I have to prepare another part of this fic, and school and work of course :((  
> ugh so many things, so little time.


	3. Amayasi pt. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Thank you," he said. He didn't have to thank me for wanting to eat that pizza something with him. I didn't even fucking know what it is. Before he stood up, he patted me on the top of my head, and then, he kissed me on my cheek! I froze at the short feeling of his soft lips on my skin. I was getting red and my eyes were wide open. I quickly turned my head towards him. Erwin smiled and winked at me. Then I felt one of his big hands on my hot cheek. His eyes were half closed and his face slowly came closer.
> 
> Wha- what was happening? My heart was pounding very fast. I felt like I was sweating and blushing a damn lot. I swallowed as he tilted his head a bit. His lips were parted. Shit! What was I supposed to do? I couldn't think clear anymore. I was too fucking nervous.
> 
> It wasn't that I hadn't kissed anyone. No, I've kissed a damn lot of people. But this wasn't like one of those kisses. This was a kiss I was sharing with the most handsome man I've ever seen in my entire life, and damn, I have lived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the many typos and other mistakes and that it took so long for me to update, but there was so much school shit ughhhh and I wanted to post it yesterday, but george michael :(((
> 
> Anyways, I hope this shitty chapter will be enough to make it up to you!

A few days have passed. Erwin and I behaved a bit weird around each other after the whole bathroom incident. But not for too long. The embarrassing eye contact stopped after like two days. Those two days were the worst. I just wasn't us to look at each other. I wanted to see my reflection in his eyes, but I couldn't look at them. I was so embarrassed. We also didn't really talk to each other. Well, I didn't really talk to him. He kept doing the usual. Like, talking to me and asking (personal) stuff. I dodged as many questions as possible. Simply because I couldn't face him yet. Damn, I messed up big time and I regretted everything. But, I did get to touch his back and I saw him while he was taking a bath. So, it wasn't for nothing I guess. Anyways, it didn't really help to built a better relationship with him.  
However, I did get to know him better. He told me little useless shit things about himself. Like, he doesn't have any siblings. And that he doesn't like to eat yoghurt. I don't even know what yoghurt is. Though, I imagined something ugly, green and jelly. I don't know why. Erwin also showed me some new things and taught me how to use them. Like the television and the toaster. I was aware of the existence of the television, though. The people I had to kill were usually watching it when I did my job. So, I knew it was very distracting and shit. But the toaster was an amazing eyeopener. Credits to whoever the fuck invented it.

Lately, we both stared to drop hints that we sort of like each other. I've been doing it by telling him how I hate everything in this world, but I didn't really say rude stuff about him and his house. So, I guessed he was smart enough to figure out that I like to be with him. He's been dropping hints too. I don't want to give myself too much hope, but I might be dumb but I'm not blind. Like, he keeps staring at me and he keeps talking to me. He doesn't even leave the house anymore. I once asked him why he didn't do his job probably, and he said that right now, being in company with me, was more important for him than killing people, for I was his " _special guest_ ". Then, he quickly added that he wanted me to work with him. So, I'm not saying that he's obviously in love with me, but there is a big change that he is. Or maybe he just wanted to recruit me...

But this was the seventh day, in which a lot of shit happened. I've been with him for a week. All because he didn't do the laundry yet. Well, he did wash his own clothes though. See, hints; he wanted me to stay. So, I had to wear his clothes. Even though they were not my size. Luckily it wasn't the other way around. If Erwin had been _my_ guest, he couldn't wear my clothes, since his veins would be squeezed and he would lose his body parts, one by one, before he dies a painful death. Or he would have to walk around in his dirty clothes. Or be naked all the time.  
...  
Shit, now I'm imagining him naked.

This day, he said was going outside to take care of something. I asked: "Why don't you take me with you? I thought that you wanted me to work with you?"

He answered: "Because this isn't that important. I just have to pick up something."

"Then take me with you."

"I want you to take care of my house. You can do that, right?" he asked. I nodded. However, I was very disappointed, because I just wanted to go outside for fucking once. I mean, I've been in his garden, but that's not outside outside, you know. "I'm glad I can trust you, Levi. You can eat whatever you find and you know where you can find your tea. Oh, and you can listen to the radio or watch the television or something else. You know how the remote works. And don't open the door for anyone except me and don't play with fire or something else that could hurt you or break down my house. I'll be back in a few hours, but if it takes longer than a day, then you are allowed to go home if you feel like it. Or you can just say here and inherit my stuff. I don't mind if it's you."

Damn, that was too much information coming out of his mouth that fast. While I was still getting everything into my brains - especially the part where I was allowed to inherit his house, money, weapons, and whatever the fuck I could find in his big house -, Erwin walked up to me. Then, without being noticed by me, he put his arms around me. The sudden warmth of his unannounced embrace stiffened my body.  
"Thank you, Levi. I know I can trust you," he said.

He then let go of me. After saying goodbye with a big smile, he left. I heard the door closing, but didn't move yet. I was kinda in... shock, I guess. Not that I didn't like what he did. It was just... out of nowhere.  
I turned around and somehow hoped to see him still standing in the house, so I could demand for an explanation or hug him back or something. But, as I predicted, he wasn't there anymore unfortunately. It wasn't that big of a problem though, since I didn't really need an explanation. He did it because he was thankful for my trust. And as soon as he returns, _I'll_ hug him back.  
I turned back and looked around me. What the fuck was I supposed to do these hours? Definitely not watching the television, since it was way too distracting and someone could easily sneak up from behind and kill me. I took another look around the house and suddenly noticed something awful. There was _dust_ on a desk. Damn it, Erwin was such a filthy bastard. There was no way I was going to walk away from it. I had to clean it. Not only that damn desk, but the entire house.  
I ran up the stairs and opened the door to a small room. I knew he kept all of his cleaning products over there. There was no broom. Only a weird thing I could't describe. It was big and kinda heavy. It was something attached to it that kinda looked like a broom. Could it be an electric broom? Damn it, I just grabbed the duster. I also grabbed a spray bottle of cleaning fluid and wipes.

I'd like to give a very detailed explanation of the way I clean stuff, but that would be too much and kinda boring. So, after a few hours of intensive cleaning, I was tired and actually quite impressed with the results. The only thing that really annoyed me to death, was the locked cupboard. I couldn't clean inside of it and I bet there was a big damn layer of dust and germs. When I looked for the key, I came across an other locked piece of shit in one if the drawers in a cabinet. It was a small box. Probably where he kept the key. But, where was the key for that box? Did he take it with him? There were so many mysteries around this one son of a bitch. I bet his mom was just taking a shit, and than he appeared, because he was the biggest piece of shit I've ever met, and hell, I've met damn dozens of pieces of shit.

I opened the refrigerator to drink some milk, since I was thirsty and actually dying. I knew what the pack of milk looked like, because I drank it everyday. I usually did it when Erwin wasn't watching me, because he seemed to care about the amounts I drank. I twisted the cap off it. There wasn't much left, so I didn't thought it'd be necessary to drink it out of a glass. I lifted the pack of milk to my lips and drank all of it. Fuck this shit. It was disgusting. I pinched my nose. My mom once told me to do that if I didn't like the taste of my food. I did it almost at every meal back in my village. Everything over there was disgusting as hell.  
I finished the milk and threw it in the trash. But then, I found another pack of grow juice. I mean, milk. The same story for this shitty thing. My stomach was making a weird growl after I emptied the second pack. Whatever. I just ignored it and moved on to the other things in the refrigerator.  
There was a brownish box. Damn, Erwin sure loved boxes. Maybe it was his secret fascination. Boxes. I opened it - other than the boxes I saw before, this one wasn't locked - the cardboard box full of eggs. My eyes fully opened as I saw it. I don't how it started and why, but besides my cleaning obsession, I had another weird fetish. I had to admit, it was the weirdest ever. I was certainly the only dumbass who did it. But apparently, I had the weird ritual of drawing on eggs. Not just some random doodles. No, I drew faces. I drew them detailed as fuck. Every wrinkle, every freckle. I couldn't really help myself. Personally, I believe that killing people, will leave some mental mark, and mine is drawing shit heads on eggs. So, I couldn't restrain myself to draw on all of those eggs.

I grabbed the whole box outta the refrigerator and put it on the table. I noticed a difference between the chicken eggs he had and pigeon eggs: pigeon eggs were smaller and white, and these chicken eggs were bigger and brown. The color really disappointed me though. I was afraid that I couldn't even see the drawing on a brown color. Although, I doubted it would cause a major problem since it wasn't necessarily a _dark_ brown color.  
I walked away from the table and grabbed a black marker out of one of his drawers after a short search. Then, I saw his radio standing in the cupboard. He wouldn't mind if I turned it on, right? He even told me it was okay. I moved one of his chairs over there, since I was too small... But, I had no fucking clue how to turn that thing on. There were some switches and other buttons on it. I actually pressed all of them, until it started to make sound.

\-- _vers and friends I still can recall._  
_Some are dead and some are living._  
_In my life I've loved them all._

I immediately recognized the song as the one Erwin and I danced on. When I heard the lyrics, the thoughts of people that I knew and who died, came into my mind. Fuck this. I shook my head and tried to think of faces I could draw on the eggs. The song kept going, but I ignored the lyrics.

My eggs were waiting for me on the table. Luckily, Erwin had a good marker. I started drawing faces of people who used to live. Thanks to that damn song. I started off with my mom's face. She had such a motherly face. She totally looked like a mom. With mother eyes, and other facial mother features. Such a typical mom.  
...  
I had actually no idea how to describe her. She had just long black hair and a face. I never forgot faces, but my mom's face was kinda vague. Probably since I had a damn hard time dealing with her death. I supposed my brain just wanted to move the whole incident outta my head. So, I caused me to have only very vague and very unclear memories of that period.

Then I stared drawing the face of my old friend. Well, he wasn't that old. He died young. Everyone died young around me. Anyways, my friend's name was Furlan. He had blond hair and... a face. I did know what he looked like. I had a clear picture of him in my head, but it was just kinda hard to explain.  
After that, I drew the other faces that popped up into my damn mind. It took a while for me to finish all of the eggs. But, it was all worth it in the end. I put them in their box again, and hid it somewhere in the refrigerator, behind a couple of other things. I was aware of the fact that Erwin would definitely find them whenever he was going to use it, but I was making sure it wasn't the first thing he was going to see as soon as he was going to open the door of the refrigerator.

I walked back to the living room and dropped myself on the couch. I was so damn tired. Why was I this tired? Was it because of the weird food I ate? Or perhaps because of the strange feeling I had with Erwin around? Anyway, it was no good. All I was doing that moment, was laying on the couch and staring at the ceiling. The ceiling was filthy too. I should've cleaned it. The radio was still on. There were so many uninteresting songs. Like, why did something spend time to write that crap? Even I could do such a simple thing.  
I turned on my side. The couch had an Erwin scent. Erwin... Damn it, I had no idea what to think of him. He was nice to me. And it wouldn't be hard to work with him. It only meant that I could stay with him a little longer. Killing people was easy. So, I wouldn't mind to do that for him. But there was also this trust issue. I didn't know whether I could believe the shit he said or not. Was he being honest with me about everything? I didn't think so, because he still was this locked things. Besides, I didn't even think he really cares that much about me. He didn't even want me to become as big and strong and he was, or else he would've fucking let me drink that milk without any lectures on how it was not okay to drink that much. Though, on the other side, he was fucking hot and he seemed like a not-so-bad person to me. I mean, he did take care of me and even gave me his bed. He spent his nights on the very same couch I was laying on. He was nice to me.  
I figured it out: if he asks me again to work with him, I'll tell him that I'll do it. Just for him.

That moment, the door opened. Erwin appeared. I felt kinda relieved to see him again. Unharmed and well. I lifted my head off the couch and sat straight up.  
"I'm back, Levi," he said while taking his coat off. "How was you day?"

"Like others."

He smiled at me and looked around.  
"Oh my, it looks very clean in here. Did you clean?"

I nodded and said: "Your house was full of dust."

"Thanks a lot, but you didn't have to do it. Why didn't you relax a bit? You're my guest, so you need to take it easy."

"I was relaxed, bastard. You don't have a broom, by the way."

He stared confused at me as he came a bit closer. Did I say something offending?  
"Broom? Why would I need a broom? I already have a vacuum cleaner."

"The fuck is that supposed to be?"

Erwin smiled at me and gestured me to wait. He walked upstairs and came back a few seconds later with the thing I couldn't describe before, with the thingy what looked like a broom. What did he call it again? Vacuum cleaner?

He pulled a long, black wire out of it and put it in a white "box" in the wall. Then, he pressed a button on the so called "vacuum cleaner" and it started to make some weird sound.  
"Look, Levi. It sucks up the dust and other filthy things. It so much easier than a broom and it's way cleaner."

This was such an eyeopener. It was literally like magic to me. An automatic broom. How incredible. Who the fuck invented this amazing thing? Erwin moved the broom like part back and forth over the floor, while it - according to his short explanation - sucked up all of the dirty shit.  
"Can I try?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure," Erwin said with that nice smile of his. He carefully grabbed my wrist and pulled me me a bit closer to hand over the vacuum cleaner. "Go ahead."

I took the vacuum and started to clean the floor a bit. This was amazing. I could do this all day. It was so damn much easier than a broom, like Erwin had said. It was way lighter and better. Erwin had both of his hands on my shoulders, which made everything even better.

"Have fun with it," he said. "Let me know whenever you're tired of it."

I turned around and looked at his heavenly face. Was he a god? No, he was probably a devil, because god doesn't murder for fun. Well, god does end people's lifes or something. Or, that's what those church bastards are trying to teach me, whenever they were on the streets and trying to convince me of their god and religious stuff. They were always talking about a Jesus guy who died for everyone's sins and if we didn't believe in him, god will send us to hell. Like, I have too many sins and I don't think he can handle them all. To make up for my sins, I needed at least a gazillion more of those Jesus dudes. Approximately. In conclusion, I was a sinner and Erwin was a devil. That was a match made in heaven. Or more like hell, I guess.

He left me and sat down on the couch. I continued cleaning the house. Surprisingly, I finished sooner than I actually expected. I was in love with that vacuum cleaner. And Erwin. Speaking of him, when I turned around to check on him, he was still sitting, but he had his head dropped backwards and his arms were spread out on top of the back of the couch. Lazy old piece of shit. I turned the vacuum cleaner off and pulled the wire out of the white box on the wall.  
I sat down next to Erwin. When I took a closer look, I noticed he fell asleep. Damn it, I was hungry. I needed him to cook me a fucking meal. I touched his arm to wake him up. But as soon as one of my fingertips touched him - I wasn't even sure if I touched him - he woke up as if he didn't sleep. He was just wide awake.  
"Something wrong, Levi?" he asked.

"I'm hungry," I said and drew my eyebrows down into a frown to clarify that I wasn't happy with his shit behavior of not cooking for me.

"...Listen Levi," he said and looked at me with his bright blue eyes. He kinda sighted. Not very loud or anything. Just a sign to let me know he was tired. Damn it, I was not going to bed without food, like I used to do back in my village. Whenever I had no time or money for it, I had to do everything on an empty stomach. It sucked big time. And, I refused to cook for him, because I'll probably accidentally poison him with the food I used to eat. "I don't have the energy to cook is a meal right now. So, I'll order us pizza. If you don't mind of course."

I shook my head. As long as I could eat, it was fine by me. I wasn't even clear on the concept of "pizza" and "ordering" it.

"Thank you," he said. Ugh, he didn't have to thank me for wanting to eat that pizza something with him. I didn't even fucking know what it is. I was just hungry. He was too polite. Before he stood up, he patted me on the top of my head, and then, literally out of nowhere, he kissed me! On my cheek though. But he kissed me! I froze at the short feeling of his soft lips on my skin. Shit, I felt like I was getting red and my eyes were wide open. I quickly turned my head towards him. Erwin smiled and winked at me. Then I felt one of his big hands on my hot cheek. His eyes were half closed and his face slowly came closer.  
Wha- what was happening? Was he going to kiss me? O- on my lips? Damn it! My heart was pounding very fast. I felt like I was sweating and blushing a damn lot. I swallowed as he tilted his head a bit. His lips were parted. Shit! What was I supposed to do? I couldn't think clear anymore. I was too fucking nervous.  
It wasn't that I hadn't kissed anyone. No, on the contrary, I've kissed a damn lot of people. But this, this wasn't like one of those kisses. This was a kiss I was sharing with the most handsome man I've ever seen in my entire life, and damn, I have lived.  
Then, I finally regained the ability to think again. I grabbed his broad shoulders, while his lips were only a few centimeters away from mine. And then, with all my might, I pushed him away.

"W- what the fuck?!" I shouted.

"Uh, I'm sorry. I uhm... I went too far. Sorry," he apologized. While doing so, he scratched the back of his head with a sheepish smile on his face. He then walked away. That gave me the space to let it all sink in, because what the fuck did just happen? He was really about to kiss me, wasn't he? And he looked slightly disappointed when I pushed him away. Why did I even do that? I liked him so much and I wanted to kiss him really bad. Then, why did I do that? This was probably the only fucking chance ever to kiss him. Who can tell when the fuck he wanted to so it again, because I just clearly turned him off. Damn it. But there was also a bright side, because now I knew he was definitely sorta gay. I'm gonna kill myself if this all appears to me a damn dream or something.

After I kinda found my chill and collected my thoughts again, I turned my head - that was still red - to him. He was standing with a phone in his hands. I knew that thing, because almost everyone around me, stole them to use it themselves. I never had one, because I saw no fucking point in having one since there was no one to call.

"Levi, what do you want on your pizza?" Erwin asked. I shrugged. I knew I was going to stutter if I spoke. Besides, I had no idea which ones I could pick. "Shall I choose one for you?"

I nodded. He started calling and ordered one pizza margarita and one pizza Hawaii. It didn't really matter to me though. I knew neither of them.

We waited for our pizza. It took only a couple of minutes before there was a person who brought the to Erwin's house. That was pretty fast. So, there we were. Sitting next to each other on the couch - Erwin said it was okay to do that, since pizza was for lazy people and eating on the couch was too - eating our pizza. I had one without anything on it. Erwin had meat and yellow things on it he called "pineapple". He told me to taste both of the pizzas. And since I liked the one he had more, he gave me the whole pizza. It was very generous of him.

When we sorta finished our pizza - I couldn't fit that whole thing inside my stomach, but he said it was fine, because we could eat it tomorrow as well -, he brought the boxes to the kitchen. He asked me if I wanted to drink something. I told him I didn't want to. I was actually still feeling weird because of the milk I drank. But, I thought it was all part of the growing process. I still haven't told him about the milk I drank.  
Suddenly, Erwin started to laugh out loud. I could hear it from the kitchen. He then entered the living room with something familiar in his hands. The box with eggs.  
"Did you do this, Levi?" he asked, still laughing. "You sure have a talent."

I shrugged and said: "I don't see how drawing on eggs could be a talent."

"You could sell these. You know what we call stuff like this?" He pointed at the box.

"Eggs?" I asked and raised my eyebrow at him.

"Art. People, especially the rich ones, pay a lot of money for things like these. There once was an artist who made big balloon dogs. And they were worth a lot of money."

"Balloon dogs?" I asked while raising my other eyebrow as well.

He chuckled in the most adorable way ever.  
"I'll buy you one someday."

The fuck? Balloon dog? I couldn't even imagine such a thing. What was a balloon anyways? Erwin walked back to the kitchen. He was probably preparing his drink. I stretched my legs. Damn, I was tired. But I didn't do shit today.

"Levi," Erwin called my from the kitchen. "where's the milk?"

"I drank it," I said. There was no reason for me to lie about that. I was the only one who had been in the house the whole day. I stood up and joined him in the kitchen. He was searching in the refrigerator, but looked up as soon as he heard me.

"Did you finish both packs?" he asked carefully. I nodded in response. "Can I ask why?"

"Tch," I wasn't sure if I should tell him. Maybe he'll understand and buy me even more milk. Yeah, he seemed like that kind of person to me. I mean, he wouldn't send me away just because of that. "Because milk will help me get taller."

A smile appeared on Erwin's face. He closed the refrigerator's door and asked: "Excuse me?"

"You are excused. Milk develops stronger bones and will make me taller, you dumbass."

Erwin laughed and walked up to me. He put his hands on both of my shoulders and lowered himself until his face was at my height. He tried to get a more serious expression before looking into my eyes.

"What's so funny, bastard?" I asked. My heart was picking up its speed, since he was that close to mine. Was he going to kiss me again? Would I be able to control myself and just kiss him back?

"Dear Levi," he started. "You're not going to grow anymore. Milk won't help you achieve that. However, milk will make your bones less likely to break. And it does help little kids grow. But you're not eighteen anymore. Males stop growing when they turn that age, approximately. Females even earlier. I'm sorry."

What?! "Tch. Damn it," I mumbled. I looked at the ground in embarrassment. How could I be this stupid? I must look like a dumbass to him. Shit.

Erwin stood up straight again. But he was fucking tall. According to his story, he had this height when he was eighteen. Right?  
"Erwin, were you that tall when you were eighteen?"

He nodded and smiled at me.  
"It's okay to be small, Levi. Don't worry about it. I think this height suits you."

H- he really thought so? I felt my cheeks turning red again. I grabbed his arm, before I looked like the tomato we ate yesterday, and dragged him back to the living room.

"Haha! Why are you in such a hurry, Levi? I haven't even had the chance to drink something," he said with the biggest fun smile on his face.

"I'm tired on standing and talking about milk. I just wanna sit down. And you too. So quit whining and act like the grown up you are. Piece of useless shitty trash."

I pushed he down on the couch and dropped myself next to him. Erwin turned on the television. He kept switching between the channels. Then he stopped at a certain show and said: "Ah, this is a good one. Have you ever seen a movie before, Levi?"

I shook my head. I was too busy doing more important things. Plus, I didn't have a television, because I was poor.

"Oh well, this is a movie by the name of _The Avengers_. It's about superheroes who save the world. It's all fake of course, but it's just fun to watch."

Tch, that sounded like some bullshit. But was long as I could sit beside Erwin, it was fine by me.

As I predicted, the movie was stupid. It was clearly to entertain the rich idiotic fuck nuggets. Erwin too, was entertained by the fake fist fights. Even though he knew how fake it was. He something commented things like "That's not how it works in real life" or "That's not how you kill someone". But he really enjoyed watching it. While I enjoyed watching him enjoying the movie. I did try to follow the storyline, but there were so many things going on at the same time, it made me dizzy.  
There was one point where one the main male had a close up. He was blonde, had blue eyes, a shield with a star and a suit in a blue with red and white color. I noticed, during the close up, that he kinda looked like Erwin. So I had to tell him. Maybe he likes getting compliments.  
"You sorta resembles that man," I said and pointed at the screen. "But you look even less shitty."

"Hm, you think so? Well, thank you. I think you're looking good as well," he answered with a smile.

"Tch," I said and crossed my arms over my chest. "You didn't have to return the compliment, you idiot."

"Huh? But I really mean it," he defended himself and stretched his arm on my side over the back of the couch until his hand ended up on my shoulder.

"Yeah, sure you do, bastard," I said and raised my hand to brush his off my shoulder. "Sweet talk won't make me stay to work with you."

"Sweet talk?" he asked with an innocent expression on his shitty face. "I'm just being honest with you."

"Sure you do, bastard."

Erwin nodded and stared at me with a lopsided smile. I had already turned my head away from him, but I could feel his eyes burning through my skin. I kept my eyes straight on the television, though the fact that he leaned in a bit, didn't get unnoticed, because I saw it from the corner of my eye. It wasn't that easy to keep an eye on someone from that angle, so I couldn't possibly predicted his next damn move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!!
> 
> merry christmas and a happy new year :)


	4. Amayasi pt. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just came out of bath. My towel was around my neck. When I walked into the living room, Erwin was sitting at the table. He was doing... something.  
> "Oi, what are you doing?" I asked.
> 
> Erwin looked up and said: "Oh, I'm just writing a letter."
> 
> Writing a letter? My eyes widened. So, that meant he can write? And read? Where did he learn to do that shit? Did he went to school?  
> "Wait, hold up a sec. So, you know how to do that shit? Erwin, how did you learn it?"
> 
> "My father taught me. When I was little."
> 
> "Was he a teacher or something?"
> 
> "He was a teacher to me, though. He leaned it when he was in school. But, I can teach you how to read too. If you want to, of course."
> 
> "Huh?! Really?"

Erwin's face came really close. Was he testing my patience? But, before I knew it, his lips were on mine. I had no fucking idea what the hell was happening. But, I knew that I liked it very much. Though, it wasn't a long or romantic kiss. Before I was even able to kiss him back, he retreated his lips. It was just a quick and little - and annoyingly also very teasing - kiss . And damn, his lips were so soft.  
My cheeks were probably glowing and it felt as if my head was going to explode. That bastard... Why did he do that thing?  
"D- don't just do that. Pervert," I said and pushed his face away, rubbing my hand angrily over my lips.

Erwin started laughing.  
"Why am I a pervert?! You were the one who started."

"Damn it Erwin."

"But Levi, admit it, you liked it. Didn't you?" he asked with a satisfied smile while coming closer again with half lidded eyes. "Want another one?"

Fuck it. I _did_ like it. A lot! And I really wanted to get a thousand more of his kisses. But I couldn't say that, or else I might look weak.  
"Fuck off."

"Look at you, blushing like a little girl!" he said and messed with my hair.

"S- stop it!" I yelled. Damn it, this was getting embarrassing. It was so humiliating. "I'm not gay! And certainly not for you! So, stop acting like a four years old virgin."

"Being a virgin while your four years old isn't weird, you know," he said, still laughing.

"Not where I come from."

After I said that, he let go of my hair and his smile disappeared. He said "sorry" and looked at the movie again. I was glad he stopped teasing me, but I was also sad because he didn't give me attention anymore. Though, it gave me some time to let everything sink in.  
Shit, he really kissed me. And how did I repay him? I shouted at him and told him he was a pervert. I was a horrible person. But the thing that irritated me the most, was the fact that he was still very nice to me. Was he even a human being? I bet the government sent him to earn my trust, so he could kill me. Because the police couldn't catch me. I was always too fast for those bastards. They didn't even know what I looked like. Those stupid dumbasses. I was always able to outsmart them.

I looked up at Erwin. He had a straight face and it didn't even look like he was paying attention to the television. He looked very zoned out and he probably felt hurt because of the way I turned him down. He must feel like shit. I stood up.  
"I'm gonna sleep," I said. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Before I went upstairs, I turned around, but Erwin wasn't looking at me. I walked straight to my room and dropped myself on the bed. I closed my eyes and recalled the "highlights" of today:  
1\. A hug.  
2\. A kiss on my cheek.  
3\. A kiss on my lips.

One after another... A bit too fast. He really tried to make me stay with him. Somehow, I was important to him. But why? I wasn't special or anything. Some theories popped into my head. I guessed _he_ didn't want to kill people and that's why he needed me so _I_ could kill them for him.  
Wait no, if he wanted me to kill for him, he could hire me. Like a lot of other's did. I mean, I was pretty good at killing people, so I had a lot of clients. But what if he wanted me to take care of other things or wanted to use me for some other purpose? What if he was in danger? Maybe he had to earn my trust so other's couldn't hire me to kill _him_. Maybe he wanted me as a bodyguard. Maybe he wanted to use me as bait or sacrifice. Damn it. My head was in pain. I put an arm over my eyes. I had no idea what to think of Erwin anymore. Love made me blind as fuck. And on top of it all, I had this horrible feeling. It was the feeling of guilt. I felt guilty for treating him like a bitch, while he treated me like a prince. The thought of apologizing as the only proper way to make it up to him made me wanna throw up that pizza. But I had no choice. Whatever he wanted from me, _I_ wanted to be close with him and _I_ wanted him as a lover. So, if I wanted to achieve that, _I_ had to make sure to have a steady bond with him. Which also meant _apologizing_.

I sighed and jumped outta my bed after a while. As I walked downstairs, I noticed all the lights were out and there were no signs of life. Only when I came closer to the couch, I kinda heard Erwin's sleeping sounds. My eyes were pretty good in the dark, so it wasn't hard for me to see him sleeping. I leaned over him and took a look at his sleeping form. He looked quite peaceful. Such a beautiful sight. I stood in front of him and admired his face. It was almost a shame how a creature that perfect, appeared to be a murderer.  
I couldn't really help myself, but I came closer. I took a look at his lips. They were fine as hell. He wouldn't really care if I kissed him, would he? Almost trembling like a scared rabbit, I moved my lips near his. Why was I this nervous? I killed tons of people without breaking a sweat, but I couldn't even kiss someone who already kissed me. I was one big fuck nut.  
Then, after some mental encouragement and a lot of insults and curses, I was finally ready to do it. I carefully placed my lips on his. A warm feeling spread through my body. The air coming out of his nose tickled my cheek. This sure felt nice. But, I had to keep it short. I didn't want to wake him.

Then, before I knew it, those two lips of his started to kiss me back. My body stiffened. Fuck! He was awake! And when his hand slipped to my neck, I felt as if I was gonna jump. I immediately pulled back. What the fuck?! Erwin opened his blue - it was as if they were shining in the dark - eyes. He smiled at me. I was glad it was night, because I turned hella red, but he couldn't see it.  
"Not gay and certainly not for me?" he asked sarcastically.

"Shut up."

Erwin sat up and asked: "What is it? Is there something wrong? Or did you just want to confess your love to me?"

I scratched the back of my head. The original idea was to apologize, but now, a better idea hit me. Although, I wasn't really sure if it was a good one. It could end up in a disaster or as embarrassing as wanting to wash his back. I took a deep breath.  
"Uhm... You can sleep in your own bed. If you want to."

"Huh? Are you gonna leave? But, I haven't washed your clothes yet," he said with confusion written all over his pretty face.

"Tch, I'm not gonna leave and I doubt you'll ever wash my clothes, bastard. Anyway, your bed is big enough for the two of us. So, stop sleeping of the couch. Even the people in my village sleep in beds. You look like a completely poor brat right now."

Erwin chuckled and stood up.  
"If you aren't bothered with it, then I'll sleep in my bed. Thanks Levi."

That's how we ended up sleeping together for the first time. It wasn't really a "romantic" night or whatsoever. We just laid there. Both curled up on another side of the bed. We literally slept on the edge. I closed my eyes. This day was one weird one. But, I was glad nothing awkward happened. I felt... happy.

 

* * *

 

 

There was a hard surface, a _'bang'_ , and a lot of pain going through my body. What the fuck just happened? I opened my eyes, but I couldn't see shit. Everything was dark. Was I dead? I blinked a few times. My eyes were still working, because Erwin appeared above me. Did he shot me? That sneaky bastard. But I couldn't detect warm fluids leaking outtw my body, so I wasn't bleeding. And there wasn't a certain spot of pain. Shit, what happened? Erwin was just the person to kill me while I was asleep. That was probably why he was always wide awake whenever I touched him or came near him. He didn't sleep at all. He had to be awake every single moment to kill me when I dozed off.  
I tried to move myself. I wanted to punch him in his face and twist his neck. Then, I would throw him outta the window to make it look like an incident. And then I'll--

"Levi? Are you okay?" Erwin whispered. He grabbed my arms and pulled me up. "Where does it hurts?"

He... didn't shot me? Did someone else do? What?  
"The fuck happened?" I asked.

"You fell out of the bed," he explained. "I'll go sleep on the couch. You don't have to sleep on the edge anymore, so you won't fall again."

I got up and laid down in the bed again.  
"I'm fine. Keep on sleeping in this bed," I said kinda irritated and embarrassed. I always knew a way of ruining the good stuff, damn it.

Erwin kissed me on my head. I felt guilty for accusing him of shooting me - even though it was only in my head. The rustle of the blanket and the moving mattress, caused by a shift of weight, told me he got into the bed again. He was too nice to me, but there was something off. He didn't look like he slept again. Did he pull an all nighter? What time was it actually? Damn it Erwin. Fucking bastard. Why do you have to be this mysterious?

 

* * *

 

It was day twenty-two. It was amazing how the things between us changed. Our relationship was so much better. We really got close the last few weeks. We were together. Finally. But, I still haven't told him if I had planned to work with him or not. He did ask me a couple of times, but I didn't give him a clear answer. I don't think he was bothered with it. But, there was something that bothered _me_ ; he still won't allow me to go outside. So, all I actually did was cleaning the house. I didn't mind it though. Erwin really appreciated my work. He was very happy with me, which also made me happy. However, I've never showed him my smile. Because reasons. That didn't mean I didn't like him. I was so in love with him. But there were still so many things I didn't know about him. Like, the locked cupboard or the locked box. And also the way he sleeps. Every time I made even the slightest bit of sound, or when I touched him, he was wide awake. We slept together - kinda close to each other, since the past week - so I doubted he got any sleep. He also started to get dark eye circles, but he kept refusing to sleep separately. Anyways, he was a hunk and I was glad I met him. It didn't really bothered me anymore that he wanted to kill me the day we met. It was weird though, but he was right. It was even more weird to "observe" someone that often - and frankly, I would've shoot the balls of my stalker as well. Though, it did bring us to the point where we were now. In conclusion, I had no regrets. Neither did he.

I just came out of bath. My towel was around my neck, because my hair was still wet and dripping. When I walked into the living room, Erwin was sitting at the table. He was doing... something.  
"Oi, what are you doing?" I asked.

Erwin looked up and said: "Oh, I'm just writing a letter."

Writing a letter? My eyes widened. So, that meant he can write? And read? How? Where did he learn to do that shit? Did he went to school? Then why did he choose to become a criminal? Ugh, so many damn questions.  
"Wait, hold up a sec. So, you know how to do that shit? Erwin, how did you learn it?"

"My father taught me. When I was little."

"Your father knew how to read? Was he a teacher or something?"

"He was a teacher to me, though. He leaned it when he was in school. But, I can teach you how to read too. If you want to, of course."

"Huh?! Really?"

"Yeah, come. I'll show you the alphabet," he said and gestured me to come closer.

"I can be the alpha in bed," I said - I clearly didn't really understand what he said - while walking up to him and standing next to him.

Erwin started laughing and corrected me.  
"I said _'alphabet'_. It has all the letters in it. But, you can show me you're the alfa in bed at night."

W- was he just asking me to fuck him? Maybe we was just kidding. Shall I ask? No. This was my chance to lift this relationship to a higher level. But, were we even ready for it? Damn it, Erwin was making everything so much more difficult for me.

"Look Levi," he said and showed me something he wrote. "These are all the letters that can make words when you put them together. Right now, we call it the alphabet." He looked up at me to see if I still followed all the crap he told me so far. After a short pause, he wrote something down underneath the alphabet. "Now, point the letters of that word you see in the alphabet."

I looked closely at the first letter. In the alphabet, I found one similar to it in no time.  
"This one."

"Correct," he said. "That's an "el", but we pronounce it as a "l". Next one."

I looked at the second one. It wasn't hard to find that one either. It was somewhere at the beginning of the so called "alphabet".

"Yes, that's an "ee", and it's pronounced an "e"," he said and then I found the last two letters. "This one is a "vee" and you say is as a "v". And the last one is an "i" and it's pronounced the same way, in this case. So put it all together and what world do you get?"

"Hm, l... e... v... i... Le... vi. Levi? My name?"

"Exactly!" he said and turned his head to me. I did the same. We stared in each other's eyes for a while. Until he carefully grabbed my chin and put his lips on mine. The soft sensation of his lips made my heart race. I felt as if I was melting.

"You're really smart. I think you'll be able to read and write in no time," he said and winked at me.

That was a ridicules thing to say. I immediately doubted myself and my intelligence. My self-esteem dropped down to negative one thousand and I felt like something dumb to say.  
"That's ridiculous. I'm the dumbest person you've ever met. Until now, I had no even the slightest clue of how to write or even read my own damn name. I was fucking born with that name. And to be honest with you, I don't think I will ever be able to read. Let alone write. I personally believe that I'm not even supposed to read. I was born stupid to stay that way. I'm not meant to read or be smart. I grew up in a bucket of piss to drown rats in, to stay poor and dumb. It doesn't even feel right to be in this rich house with the expensive environment. It's not how it's supposed to be. It's not normal. The poor people have to live in a poor place and the rich ones in a rich place. I mean, the fence around my village is't there just for fun. They need to keep everything the way it has to be. So, as soon as you wash my clothes, I'll leave and it will all be the way like it's supposed to be. So, don't waste your precious time to try to teach me something I'm not supposed to know."

Damn it, why did I say that? I wasn't thinking at all. He probably thought I hated him. But it was just confusing for someone as low in this hierarchy as me.

"Levi. How do you know what way something has to be? You just kissed the man who's in a relationship with you. Are men supposed to do that? Isn't it normal for a man to be with a woman? Look, I get your confusion, but you're trapped between walls, created by this society, in order to tell people how to live their lifes. To make it easy to control them. But we, we're going to breach and crumble those walls. There are no rules that will tell you how to live your life. Or do you want to be a slave? I don't think so. And now, I see you thinking "But how am I supposed to know how to live my life?". Well, you need to listen to yourself. To your heart, to be precisely. Why do you think I haven't washed your clothes yet, hm? Because I want you to stay with me, because my heart tells me I'm in love with you. Rules will never tell me who to love and who to hate. That's why I choose to be free. To be free from those rules. I know what's best for me and how to live my life. I have to live my life with no regrets. And so do you. So, if you still want to live according to how this society wants you to live, be my guest, I'll have your clothes done by tomorrow morning. But, if your heart tells you to stay, for example because there's a blond man with blue eyes you happen to be in love with, then you really should stay. It's up to you to decide. Choose wisely."

"That's easy for you to say, damn it. You already have everything you want."

He smiled at me and said: "No, I don't. This may sounds very selfish, but I really want you."

"Grow up. You're acting like a child."

"I'm sorry," he said, but he didn't mean shit of it. "Now, will you let me teach you how to read?"

I slowly nodded. I did want to learn it though, but as Erwin said, I was trapped between those walls. They weren't even real, so I shouldn't be hard for me to break them down.  
"This doesn't mean I'll stay," I added. But secretly, I had already decided I did want to be with him forever. I didn't plan on leaving him, because he might end up being in a relationship with someone who isn't me.

Erwin patted on his lap while saying: "Take a seat." As soon as I sat down, he wrapped his arms around me and placed his head on my shoulder. It felt nice as fuck to be embraced by him. It was like someone put a warm and thick blanket around you on a cold winter day. I leaned back against him. And his smell was nice too. I don't know how to describe it other than "sweet yet manly". But, no offense, I didn't think it was his natural scent. I turned my head to his soft neck and kinda sniffed up the scent.

"What is that scent?" I asked.

"Ah, that's my fragrance. Do you like it?"

"Yes, but what's that?"

"Fragrance? Well, that's... uh... it like liquid with a certain smell. So people won't be bothered if I happen to have a bad body odour. I don't know if you're familiar with the word perfume, but that's what it is."

"Huh? But I don't have a fragrance! So I'm smelling like shit this whole time, but you didn't tell me?!"

I scowled at Erwin. He had a weak smile on his face and told me not to worry about it. Then he tightened his arms around me. We continued with the alphabet. He went over it with me over and over again, which was really boring. Though, I did learn something. It was actually much easier than I expected it to be. He also showed some common words and made me read some sentences. I appreciated his help, but I was actually more focused on him. It didn't seemed real or something. He was literally a dream come true. And now, he was giving me a chance to make something out of my life by teaching me how to read. If I learn fast enough, I'll be able to find a proper job and earn normal money instead of the dirty money I used to have. This was like a second chance.

Erwin looked really proud at me as I read the sentence _"we will break those walls"_. After praising me, he told me to stand up. Then he walked to the locked cabinet. He raised his arm to grab something on top of it. The key! Was he going to open it? Yes, he was!

"Alright Levi, this is a secret, so don't tell anyone about it," he said before turning the key. I nodded. What could be in there? Dead bodies? No, that's disgusting. Money? Probably. I walked up next to him. I felt very excited for some reason. He pulled the doors open. And--

"Books?!" I looked up at him.

"You're totally right," he answered.

"But those things are more expensive than meat or weapons wrapped in gold!"

"I know," he said with a smirk on his face. He had lots of them. Damn it. That fucking bastard was richer than the people I had to kill all together. He stepped forward and grabbed one the the books. It had a picture of a drawn cow in it. "I want you to read this one. I picked one about a cow, since you like to eat it. It's called _Holy cow_."

"I- I can't read _that_ well."

"We'll read it together. Don't worry about it," he said. Then I looked me a bit more serious in my eyes. "But Levi, I was wondering, how do you know about the existence of school? You mentioned it a little while ago."

"Oh, well, in my village, every kid wants to go to school. We all hear about it and make it our goal. But, we never manage to get enrolled in one. It's only for the rich. So, it's like a myth for us."

"Hm. You know, there aren't many rich people that can read. No one goes to school anymore. People are too lazy for it, so there are only a few left, but those are out of town. That's why I never went to one either. But I was lucky to have a dad who did."

Erwin and I sat down on the couch. With the book. Erwin opened it. He skipped a few, mostly blank, pages.  
"I'm going to read it out loud. Try to keep up me. And if you have questions, feel free to ask them," he said. "Chapter one. Please allow me to introduce myself. Most people think cows can't think. Hello. Let me rephrase that--

"Why is 'rephrase' written with a 'ph' instead of an 'f'?" I interrupted him.

"Good question. Well, it's just that way. 'Ph' is just pronounced like that. Do you know the name Phil? That's also written with a "ph"."

I nodded and he went further with the book after his short explanation.  
"Let me rephrase that, most people think cows can't think, and have no feeling. Hello, again. I'm a cow, my name is Elsie, yes, I know. And that's no bull. See? We can think, feel, and joke, most of is anyway. My great-aunt Elsie, whom I'm named after, has no sense of humor. At all. I mean zero. She doesn't..."

He continued reading, but I totally lost track. Reading a book after only a few hours of practicing was not very realistic. He asked too much of my brains. I was still listening and following the story though. It was about a female cow and she was describing her life on the farm. Not a lot happened. I was also thinking about tonight. Was he really serious back then? I bet he was kidding or something. He was too much of a saint to become a sinner and fuck with a rat from by far the poorest village on earth. As soon as the chapter ended, he gave me the book and told me to read it myself, so he could take a bath.

I didn't understand shit about the second chapter. It took me way too long to get it all. I simply didn't have the patience for it. At least I tried. I wanted Erwin to read it again, but no, that bastard was taking a bath. As if his health was more important and I was. Well... bad example. But I felt like I was very important to him.

I stood up and walked upstairs. Without even a second thought, I opened the door to the bathroom. Erwin - who was half in the water - turned his head and immediately dropped himself totally in the water. He kinda slipped and his head disappeared in the water. Not even one second later, he came up again. He put his arm on the side of the bathtub and wore a normal expression again.

"Something wrong, Levi?" he asked as if nothing happened.

I was still standing on the doorstep, sorta disappointed that I didn't came in earlier while he wasn't half in the bath so I could see his ass. But this time, there weren't any bubbles in the bath, yet. Ah, I never thought I'd grow up to be that kind of pervert, but things happen the way they happen. Right?  
"Can you read chapter two as well?"

He nodded. I approached him and handed over the book. This was so much better than the previous time. This felt less awkward for some reason. Erwin opened the book and started reading. I stood behind him. My chin rested on his sunshine hair and my hands were hanging over his shoulders in front of his chest. My fingers were almost touching the water. I tried to read along, and this time, and I sort of managed to do it.  
"Can you read this sentence?" he asked to check if I was still paying attention.

"The... ni-... nighttime... is the... right... time," I read.

"Well done!"

He tilted his head backwards to kiss me. His lips felt so nice on mine. I bet he did have feelings towards me, or he at least liked me. It sure felt nice to be appreciated and to be... loved. It was kind of new in my case, so I still had to get used to it. He was the one who stared to kiss or hugged me first. I thought that, if it becomes normal to me, I could be the one to start too. It felt as if I didn't really returned the attention he gave me. I didn't want him to feel like that. So, I better get used to it soon.

After he finished the chapter and put the book away, he asked: "Do you mind to wash my hair?"

"Huh? Can't you do it yourself?" I asked annoyed.

"I can, but since you're here, I thought you might wanted to do that for me," he said with a sweet smile on his face.

"What makes you think I want to wash you hair? ...Tch, fine. I'll do it for you."

Of course I wanted to wash his soft hair for him. I've always wanted to do that, to be honest. His golden hair was so beautiful. If we break up, I'll cut off all his hair and sell it somewhere on the black market. In my village, they'll sure pay some money for it. And those diamond looking eyes were worth a lot too, but he probably preferred to keep them.  
Erwin gave me the shampoo, which I put on his head. I ran my fingers through his hair and spread the soap all over his head.  
"Ah, thanks Levi," he said, relaxing his muscles.

I continued washing his darker undercut. His undercut was much more brown - or at least darker - than his golden... wig. While I was at it, Erwin stared humming. I recognised the song as the one I heard all day on the radio. The one we danced on. It seems like he liked that tune. I did like it too, but the lyrics was too much of a "in your face" one. The lines _"Some are dead and some are living. In my life I've loved them all"_ popped into my head again. I felt guilt while thinking of it. I did love people like my mom or my friends, but I never really showed them how much or at least that I did like them. But now was my chance to not make that very mistake again. I could show Erwin how much I loved him. He wasn't dead - yet. I put my arms around him again and lowered my head next to his. This whole damn situation didn't suit me at all. I embraced him and said: "I like you." That was actually my most romantic act. It couldn't get any better. So, he just had to get used to that.

"Levi?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"Tch. I'm just being nice, you dumbass."

"Really? You, being nice?" he asked laughing.

I stood up and wanted to leave to bathroom. This was the first and last time I'll try to be nice to him. I too wanted a good relationship, so he had to be happy I did that fucking thing just now. Damn ungrateful bastard. Erwin grabbed my arm he pulled me back to the bathtub. His fingers slipped between mine and he lifted my hand up to his face. His sweet lips put a gentle kiss on my hand.  
"I like you too, Levi," he said with that amazing voice of his. Damn he was very attractive. It was too powerful. "I like you very much."

"Tch," I said and turned my head away from him - I was starting to blush. "Of course you do. I just washed your shitty hair."

Erwin chuckled.  
"Yeah, you're right."

I looked at him. His hair was hanging all over his forehead. Water and soap dripping down his face. I ran my fingers through his hair to get it all out of his face. Not bad. He looked good with his hair slicked back. Some of his hair locks fell back towards his forehead. That bastard said something about fucking him, didn't he? Well then, I'd like to do it, as long as he kept looking good.  
What the fucking was I thinking? He probably forgot, because it was just a joke. Besides, who would like to fuck _me_? No one. Except for the people I owe money to that is. Those filthy bastards. I'll kill them all someday. They had no fucking brains at all. They weren't even human anymore. Those sick animals. Beasts. At least I was with a human right now. The most handsome one, fortunately. The one I was going to fuck this nig--

"What are you thinking about, Levi?"

"Huh?" Ah shit, I was staring at him without saying everything for too long. Erwin was looking at me with his sky blue eyes at me. Even though his eyes looked ice cold, they caused a warn feelings to flow through my body. Was it joy? Happiness? Perhaps love? Whatever the fuck it was, it felt good.  
"I was wondering what we were gonna eat tonight," I eventually decided to say.

"Hm... I was thinking about cooking a dish with potatoes and carrots or something like that. Does it sounds good?"

I nodded. Then I left the bathroom with my book. I went downstairs and started to read the third chapter. I understood the plot a bit better.

 

* * *

 

Erwin was cooking in the kitchen. I could already smell the potatoes. My stomach growled at that smell and my mouth filled itself with water. Damn I was hungry. I just finished reading the fourth chapter and stretched myself out on the couch. My bones popped and I twisted my neck to pop that too. Argh, that felt nice.

"Levi?" Erwin head appeared around the corner to the kitchen. "Can you come of a moment to taste if it's good enough? Shall I add some more pepper or salt?"

I straightened my back and heard some more pops. Then I stood up and followed him. He always asked me to have a taste. His food was usually just fine. But a second opinion was alright.  
He scooped up a bit of his mashes potatoes on a spoon and handed it over to me. Before I put it into my mouth, he told me to blow, because it was still hot. The moment the food touched my tongue, it felt as if my tastebuds were kissed by little angels - I have no clue what that would feel like, but probably as good the way my tongue felt that moment.  
"No need to add anything," I said, my mouth still full of potatoes.

He smiled and put his focus on the food again. I was bored and sick of waiting. So I stood behind him and embraced him for a bit. My hands rested on his muscular chest. I buried my face in his back and let out a sigh.  
"You're pretty needy for a murderer," Erwin laughed.

"Shuddup," I said. "Hurry up and finish cooking already, 'cause I'm hungry. Or else I might start eating you."

"Oh my," he said sarcastically. "Well then, let's eat."

I quickly set the table and waited for Erwin to come and join me. He filled my plate with the potatoes, carrots and another vegetable named broccoli. There were also some long kinda light brows and grey-ish things. I guessed it was meat. Erwin nodded and said: "That's called bratwurst. It's kinda like a sausage, but you can't really compare those two. It's German by the way."

"It looks like shit," I said. But the taste of it wasn't that bad. I quickly shove everything through my word hole into my stomach. Then I grabbed my glass of water and started drinking that. His food was amazing. Though, everything was better than the shit I had to eat in my village. Damn that stuff was gross as fuck. The puke introducing smell and the even worst taste. Ugh, I felt like barfing while even thinking of it. But nothing was as bad as that one time I had nothing to eat. I had to go out and look for insects to put into my mouth. It sure the most disgusting experience ever. But there was nothing else to do. It was eat or being eaten.  
Anyways, I ate well at Erwin's place. I never had to worry about anything since I came here. Erwin gave me food, (oversized) clothes, a place to sleep, a warm bath and even love. He was too good to be true. So, I kept assuming he wanted to use me for something, and all those amazing things he showed me up until now were all fake. And if it wasn't that kind of thing, then he really had a problem. You had to be blind and mentally ill to like someone like me.  
I grabbed my glass of water. Fuck Erwin and his perfect face. Then, that son of a prostitute, grabbed my hand. I finished my water and put the glass with a _'bang'_ on the table.  
"What?" I asked irritated - which I wasn't at all, but just to show him his love couldn't make me soft.

"You're cute," he said, while his head rested on his free hand and while starting a me with dreamy eyes and gave me a warm smile.

"Fucking die already," I said, but squeezed his hand a bit.

Erwin chuckled and let go of my hand. He stood up and cleared the table. That moment my eyes caught sight of the drawer with the mysterious box. Right, he haven't given me an explanation on that one, damn it.  
"Oi Erwin!" I shouted in the direction of the kitchen. "What's in that locked box?!"

"Box?" I heard him say. He came back and looked confused at me. "What box?"

"The one in that drawer," I said and pointed at the cabinet.

"Huh? I don't know?" He walked to the drawer and opened it. Then he turned around and said: "I don't see a box."

I jumped up. I could swear there was a small locked box in there. I wasn't going crazy, was I? I pushed Erwin away and stared looking in there myself. It had to be somewhere in here. I moved everything outta the way. But I couldn't find that damn box. Fuck this shit. I knew saw it here. I opened the other drawers and looked in there as well. No fucking box. No where.  
"It has to be here," I said.

"I don't know what box you mean... I'm sorry, I can't help you looking for it."

I turned around to him in a flash. I swear he hid it somewhere else. He knew of it's existence. Could he stop messing with me? Now I looked like the crazy asshole here. I got the feeling he was keeping it a secret. The second he knew I knew of it, he hid it somewhere else. Damn it. Was he playing some childish game? Was he 5 years old or something?  
"Fuck off."

I stepped away from the cabinet and went upstairs. Fuck Erwin. Kinda aggressively, I opened the door to the bedroom and slammed it shut again with a loud _'bang'_. I dropped myself on the big bed on my back. I wanted to know everything about him. I _had_ to know everything about him. Why so many secrets Erwin? Didn't he trust me? I wouldn't trust myself either, but this was different. I thought I had some sort of special relationship with him. He was my first love. If this was what a relationship meant, then I wouldn't want one anymore. Why did he need me anyways? He never told me anything about the "work" he wanted to do with me. I wasn't even allowed to go outside. He literally pulled me out of my normal life to keep me captive here with some bullshit story about being in love.

The door opened again. Erwin came in and sat down next to where I laid. He was wearing a concerned expression, while I glared at him. His fingers moved the dark hairs out of my face and stroked my cheek. The slow and careful movements of his warm hand, and his soft blue eyes calmed me down, my angry face disappeared.  
"Levi, what's wrong?" he asked and laid down besides me.  
His strong arms pulled me against his warm body and his hand carefully pressed my head against his chest. I could hear his heart beating. He kissed the top of my head, and after that, he rested his chin on the same spot. "I'm sorry for all of this. You must be confused. I'd be too if this happened to me. It's all kinda weird and... yeah, messed up, but please don't be mad at me. We'll be alright."

I slowly wrapped my arms around his back as well. We laid like this for a couple of minutes, without saying anything, till my eyelids began to feel heavy.  
' _I'm not confused nor mad, Erwin. I'm just tired,_ ' I told myself and finally closed my eyes.

"Hey, hey, don't fall asleep yet," his low voice whispered in my ear. "Brush your teeth first."

I looked up. Bastard. I untangled myself from his body parts and jumped out of the bed. I entered the bathroom and grabbed the toothpaste as well as my toothbrush. Erwin bought me a red one. His was white.  
While brushing my teeth - Erwin taught me how to do it, because I was unfamiliar with it - I looked at myself in the mirror. Damn, I was small. I had sunken cheeks and my cheekbones almost pierced through my pale skin. My eyes had a pissed off look and there was an instant frown above them. Shit, I had the biggest dark eye circles ever. And I had like the smallest mouth and, since we didn't brush our teeth in my village, my teeth weren't as bright as Erwin's. Long dark hair was hanging in front of my face. The hairs of my undercut weren't totally even, because I had cut it myself. I looked like a damn twat. Fucking hell. Why couldn't I be as handsome as Erwin?  
I emptied and cleared my mouth. This was not the right time to press my self-esteem even further into the ground. I had to go to Erwin. Maybe he wasn't lying about fucking me, so I wouldn't want him to wait.

When I opened the door to the bedroom, I saw Erwin laying under the blankets. Tch, he wasn't serious about what he had said. I fucking knew it.  
"Move aside, bastard," I said while lifting up the blanket.

"Huh? You're gonna sleep already? I thought you wanted to show me _you_ were the alpha in bed," he reminded me with the everlasting smile - more like a smirk this time - on his face. When he lifted his arms up to underneath his head, I noticed he wasn't wearing his sleepshirt. My eyes widened and my cheeks flushed. Damn, he meant it.  
I sat down on the edge of the bed, my back towards Erwin. Shit. What was I going to do? This was my first time. Well, the first time it wasn't for money. I did it tons of times before. But this time, it was because we both wanted to. Yet it didn't feel quite as "good" as I imagined. It rather felt kinda unrealistic. My feelings were always trying to hold me back, damn it. This was my chance to show Erwin my love. I could do it. It wasn't hard at all. Maybe if I just imagined it was for money, it would feel less new and I wouldn't think stupid thoughts.  
I was so busy thinking shit, that I kinda forgot where I was and that I didn't notice Erwin anymore. He put his hand on mine, while I was still not paying attention to him. The sudden warmth on my hand made me jump and as a reaction to it, I pulled back my hand.  
"Levi?" he asked. "Are you alright?"

I nodded got into the bed. I had to do this. For Erwin.  
It was warm under the blankets. Erwin was my favorite source of warmth. It was such a pleasant feeling. I rolled on top of him and leant on my arms, which I placed on both sides of his head. He was only wearing his shorts. Fuck it. Uh, more like fuck him. I hung above him and took a good look at his face. I could swear I've seen his eyes before, but I couldn't lay my hand on it. Damn it. But now hardly seemed the time to think about it.  
I slowly lowered my body on his is kiss his lips. My legs straddled his hips and my arms his head. His lips moved on mine, while his hands found its way to my back and to the back of my head. I felt the slow movements of his long fingers and followed them. I noticed how his tongue made similar movements. His fingers tangled up in my hair and his tongue twisted around mine. My nose poked his cheek and I quietly inhaled his sweet scent. With a little sound, we let go of each other's lips. My bangs were hanging over his face. I lifted my head a little higher and took another look at his face. A vague red color spread over his cheeks. His arms wrapped around me. Everything just fitted. My body was made for his arms to hold. It felt natural.  
I buried my face in the crook of his neck. That was when his hands touched the skin of my back. Caused by the movements of his hands, my shirt had gone up a bit. His fingers went even further underneath my shirt. And even though Erwin moved them towards the center of my back, it brought back bad memories. Without noticing it, I stiffened.  
I thought back to my land lord. That piece of barfed shit. He was as pale as everyone else in my village, but his skin was more filthy than the streets. And those evil looking eyes, that just burned through my skin. Those pitch black eyes gave me the urge to stab them out and make him chew on them. Every time he came to my house, which I rented from him, I wanted to kill myself. That was the only way to avoid a confrontation with that twat. The worst thing was he had a duplicated key, so he could come in any moment. And that pervert came oft--

"Levi, get off," Erwin quietly said into my ear.  
What the did that mean? That sounded like a weird way to ask for a blowjob. Whatever, it had to pay him back. During the progress of getting up, my cheek brushed his. His cheek was very hot. Or mine was just cold. I got up and scooted down his lap. I looked at his shorts. Damn it, how was that thing supposed to fit into my mouth? He wasn't even fully hard. Fuck it. I let my thumbs slide underneath his waistband. Right when I was ready to release him from his pants, his hand grabbed my chin.  
"Stop," he said and got up as well. We faced each other. He grabbed both of my hands and led them to his neck where he let them go. His hands carefully held my head. The warmth of his hands went through the skin of my cheeks and spread itself within me, like a blooming flower.  
"Listen, Levi. Let's sleep for now. We can do this another night."

Why? Did I do something wrong? Wasn't he happy with me? Was my body not good enough for him? Damn it Erwin. Why wouldn't you let me do this?  
"But I'm good at this shit," I defended myself.

"I believe that. But you act like you're not really okay with this whole situation. It'd be a shame if something that could feel so good, would feel like rape. Seriously, I don't want to feel like I'm raping you, or whatsoever."

"Stop acting like you care. I don't need your pity," I said. I pulled myself up on his neck and kissed him. Erwin fell back onto the pillow and pulled me along with him. Then he rolled on his side and so I got next to him.

"Tell me a little more about yourself," Erwin said and got up and leaned on his elbow.

"What the fuck do you want?"

"You know, what you did for a living, and such things."

"Breathing and shitting."

Erwin started laughing. Then, when he finally got a hold of himself again, he stroked my face with his free hand. And he said with a low and more serious voice: "Tell me what you did back in that village. I'm curious to know what my _boyfriend_ used to do."

Telling him what I used to do definitely looked like a bad idea. And he said the word "boyfriend" a bit louder than his other words. As if he needed to gather information and used the fact that I was his so called "boyfriend" as an advantage of his situation. He clearly had some bigger plans with me than just taking care of me and giving me love. If his love was even real that is, because he wouldn't let me get him off. So, it was all fake. I knew there was no one to give me real love. Erwin was too good to be true. Yet, I walked into his trap, like a fly that flies right into the web of a spider.  
I turned on my other side, away from Erwin. I wanted to go back to where I came from. That was were a brat like me belonged. With a bit of luck, I would still have my house. But first, I had to find my own clothes, so Erwin wouldn't have any reason to follow me and to demand the return of _his_ clothes.

"Did I say something wrong?" Erwin asked.  
Because I didn't answer him, he began to stroke my hair. "You don't plan to give me an answer, do you?" he tried again. "Tell me what the matter is, Levi. I'll be glad to listen."

"What do you want from me, bastard?"

"Huh? Nothing. Really."

"Then, why am I here?"

"Well, I first planned to work with you, but now I've fallen in love with you. You're so incredi--"

"What work?" I asked, avoiding the sweet talk, and turned around to him.

"I'll tell you if you tell me a bit more about yourself, alright? If you trust me, speak."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeey!!  
> so, I wrote this chapter a long long time ago, but I thought it'd be best to update this stuff every month bc I'm almost out of text and rn I'm working on the other chapters, but I write it as one long story to divide them into separate chapters afterwards. that way it won't look like the chapters are very different from each other and it'll feel like a more complete story that way.
> 
> I hope your 2k17 it going good so far :))


	5. Amayasi pt. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I began drawing Erwin's face from then. His eyes were shining back then. He always encouraged me to keep doing it, by buying more eggs than we actually needed.
> 
> I had nothing to do after I was done drawing several faces with different expressions, so I grabbed my book and continued reading. Damn it, it sure was boring without Erwin around. He said it wouldn't take to long. But it's been a while since I've woken up.  
> I felt like a housewife, waiting for my husband.
> 
> ...
> 
> HA! What the fuck am I saying? How stupid. I must be tired or something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeey I'm kinda back I guess, and I just wanna way that there are a lot of typos bc I didn't really check... sorry hehe

This could be a trap only a twat would fall for. And I was just the twat to do so. Hm, what did I do for a living? Obviously making money, of course. But he probably wanted to know how et cetera.  
"I sold my body and also paid the rent of my house with it. Is that what you wanted to know? Or do you want all the details too? Like, how that bastard came in days before I had to pay my rent, so I wouldn't have earned enough money to pay it with regular cash? Or how he sometimes came into my house with the extra keys when I was doing my job so he could see me getting fucked? Or how some bastards drugged my so I couldn't struggle as they were basically raping me? Or do you also want to hear how I--"

"Levi!" Erwin interrupted me. "Levi. I'm sorry for forcing you to tell me," he said. He looked really concerned. He might be human after all. "I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. You know, I won't touch you if you don't want me to. And I will never ask you to pay me in any way. So, don't feel like you have to pay me, or do things in exchange for the roof I offered you."

I was not in the mood of getting lectured, so I said: "Now, you tell me about that work shit."

"Okay," he started and looked up at the ceiling. "This is top secret. So, don't tell anyone else, because my life depends on it." Where the fuck was this shit going? "Promise me you won't tell anyone. If you value my life, of course."

Why did he trust me? I didn't even trust myself. But I nodded. I didn't have a reason to kill him. Yet. So, I guess I could keep it a secret. For now. I moved a bit closer. Enchanted by his looks, I threw my arms around him and pressed a small kiss on his chest. Damn, I really had the weirdest mood swings when I was with him.  
"You can tell me," I said.

"Alright then. I had a boss, who was killed not a very long time ago, and he was in possession of a list. It contains all the enemies of an anonymous person. They say that anonymous person is a very old rich man. He's about to pass away, but hasn't any kids or family to look after his possessions, which includes all his money. If someone kills everyone on that list and return said list to the old man, you'll inherit everything he leaves behind. I found that list in the house of my old boss. I had actually no idea he was the one with it, but apparently he had me to help him kill some people of it. And now I'm the one who has to finish it. So, I want to ask you if you want to finish that list with me. We will split the reward, so don't worry about that. But, you shouldn't tell anyone about it, or else they'll kill me to get that list themselves."

"Why would you need that reward? You're already rich," I said after a while in which I let all the information sink in.

"Because I want to move away from here. The kids of the men I've killed so far will grow up to take their revenge. We can live together somewhere, if you'll still love me after we're done killing," he said and pulled me closer - it wasn't even possible anymore, since I already laid against him - to embrace me really tight. He was seducing me again, damn it. But that reward didn't sound that bad. As well as living somewhere else with Erwin.

"Okay. I'll work with you."

"Really?!" Erwin's eyes began to shine of happiness. "Thank you, Levi! I knew you were the right person to ask," he said. He moved his head down and kissed my lips. "Oh, and also, the list was locked up in the small box you tried to find today. Sorry for denying it's existence," he mumbled while looking away from me with a sheepish smile on his face.

"What?! You made it look like I was crazy!" I said and frowned at him

"I know and I'm sorry for that. By the way, I need to leave tomorrow morning to do some business with someone."

"Take me with you," I demanded.

"I'm sorry, but can I take you some other time? I swear it won't take long and it's not very important, so you're not gonna miss anything. Now, let's sleep."

"How am I supposed to sleep if you keep poking me. Get off already," I said, since he still hadn't gone fully soft. But instead of following my advice, he just apologized - for the third time - and moved his lower body away from me. He pulled the blanket up a bit and I got really warm and comfy.

 

* * *

 

The next morning I woke up. Erwin was already gone. I hopped outta the bed and started the regular morning routine: taking a quick shower, brushing my teeth, eating breakfast - Erwin made me some bread and put it on the table, covered in plastic to keep it fresh and he put a little note on top of it -, and cleaning.  
I put Erwin's note into my pocket. It said: ' _Good morning Levi! I hope you slept well :) Enjoy your breakfast!'_ I assumed the ' _:)_ ' was supposed to be a smiling face, but it took some time for me to figure that out, because it looked fucking stupid.  
I walked to the desk with the pictures. Lastly, I caught myself looking at them very often. Especially the one with Erwin's dad. I didn't really understand why, though. It was just because I had a weird feeling while looking at it. He looked quite a lot like Erwin. And those eyes... They were exactly the same. Damn it. Why couldn't I remember?

After cleaning, I searched the refrigerator for eggs. Lately, I've only been drawing Erwin's face on them - and random faces of different people I saw on tv. It might be a sign of my subconscious to tell me I felt happy. Though, I was still dead inside and I haven't smiled at Erwin at all.  
I began drawing Erwin's face when I told him I was going to work with him. His eyes were shining back then. I couldn't wait for Erwin to see this egg. He always told me how amazing my egg-art was and also encouraged me to keep doing it, by buying more eggs than we actually needed. It was very nice of him.

I had nothing to do after I was done drawing several faces with different expressions, so I grabbed my book and continued reading. Damn it, it sure was boring without Erwin around. He said it wouldn't take to long. But it's been a while since I've woken up. Fucking hell Erwin.  
I felt like a housewife, waiting for my husband.  
...  
HA! What the fuck am I saying? How stupid. I must be tired or something.

I opened the door to the garden. Erwin liked his garden very much. There were several plants and a lot of grass and in the back, there was a three. I walked down the path towards the three. It seemed to be a nice place to read. I sat down.  
While reading a few chapters, my head began to feel heavy. I felt fucking sleepy and my stomach growled. Erwin hadn't showed up to make us some lunch. And the hunger made me tired. Before I knew it, I fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

There was a sound of footsteps that woke me up again. What the fuck. What time was it? The sun was already ready to set. Damn it, I slept for too long. I stood up and went back inside. I could've sworn I heard footsteps, but there was no one in the living room. I knew it was Erwin. So, maybe he went upstairs. I followed my gut feeling and went to the bedroom.  
When I opened the door, I saw someone laying on the bed. Well, not just someone. It was Erwin. But fucking hell, he looked bad. He was covered in blood and his button up shirt was ripped. By the looks of it, he was attack. It wasn't hard to see he was exhausted. Probably because of a fight. He laid half on the bed. As if he first sat down on the edge, but then dropped his back on the mattress.  
"What happened?" I asked and sat down next to him.

He kept starting at the nothing in front of him and then mumbled something like: "They knew it."

"...What?"

Then he turned his head and with a raised voice he said: "They knew that I had the list! They knew-- You told them! Didn't you?! I trusted you!"

I said nothing. I was shocked. Shocked to see him like this. We was wearing a look that I had never seen on him before. He didn't look mad nor sad. He rather looked... terrified.  
I reached out my hand to him, so I could comfort him a bit. But before my hand came close to his face, he grabbed my wrist. He held me very firm. He really thought I spread the news. Such a shame to have so little faith in me.

"Levi?! Why did you--!"

"Listen. I didn't do it. For the past twenty-three days, I've only seen your face. You literally pulled my outta my village and kept me here. I haven't been outside ever since. Besides the fucking garden. I don't have anything to contact anyone and I have no damn clue how that shitty phone of yours work. So, how the fuck can you accuse me for telling anyfuckingone about that list of yours? If you have any ideas, please share them with me, because I don't fucking know how I'm supposed to talk to anyone else besides you. Now, tell me what the fuck happened."

His thick eyebrows twitched and it looked like the normal Erwin came back again. His grip on my wrist weakened and his hand moved down to my hand. I made sure to hold his. With his other hand, he covered his eyes. I looked at him. I felt really sorry for him in some way. This was actually the very first time I felt sorry for anyone. It made me feel human, yet weak.

"I was talking with Mike," he said after a while. "Then, he smelled other people around. But before we knew it, they attacked. Since we weren't at Mike's place, we didn't have a lot of weapons, but each of us only had a regular gun. It was five against the two of us. There was a fight which we lost and they tied me up a chair. They kept asking for the list, but I kept denying that I had it. It's still in this house, you know. I rarely take it with me. But they kept hitting and kicking me. Eventually, Mike managed to free himself and knocked them all out to help me after it. I lost consciousness soon after that."

Shit. This whole list-thing seemed to be pretty hardcore.  
"Where did they hurt you?"

He lifted his hand off of his eyes. They were totally the same again. I felt relieved.  
"First of all, I feel like they broke my nose."

I let go of his hand and climbed on top of him. After this boring day, I was kinda in the mood to do something good; fucking Erwin. I felt like I left the past memories behind after last night, so I wouldn't ruin it again for myself. I placed my hands on each side of his head. Then, I lowered my body and kissed his bloody nose - there was still blood coming out of his nostrils.  
"What else did they do?"

Erwin seemed to have figured out my plans and smiled a little bit.  
"They also strangled me."

"Tch. Those bastards," I said while looking and the red lines on the skin of Erwin's neck. I gently stroked those places with the back of my fingers. "What else?"

"They punched me several times in my stomach. It really hurts."

I sat up and looked at his ripped button up shirt. It was totally ruined and it wouldn't be worn ever again. I opened up the buttons and looked at his bruises. They really hurt him, damn. Especially the center of his god-like body was completely red, blue and purple.  
"More?"

"Yeah, they kicked me often in my balls."

I got off of him and sunk down on my knees right between his thighs. I opened his belt and looked up at him. Erwin got on his elbows and just looked back at me. The way a genuine smile appeared on his face as our eyes met, set my heart on fire. Erwin always seemed to know what and when to do something.  
I unzipped his pants. But before I was able to remove his shorts, his hand reached out to carefully grab my chin.  
"Hey, hey. You don't wanna see it right now. It's gotten really ugly," he said with his gentle voice.

"Does it hurt?" I asked while standing up. When Erwin nodded in confirmation, I asked: "How will you piss?"

"Probably while crying," Erwin joked. He sat up and got rid of his wrecked button up shirt. He held the button up shirt in front of him and sighted: "What a shame. It used to be my favorite shirt."

"Tch. Quit whining about that shitty piece of cloth. You should me more concerned about your face right now. Like, how am I supposed to kiss you properly if your lips are bleeding? Or how are we able to fuck if you can't even piss without slipping over your own tears?" I said and crossed my arms over my chest. "Show me your back."

Erwin twisted his upper body. Damn, it seemed that they kicked him big time. There were similar spots on his back as the one's on his stomach. They were all kinda the size of the nose of a shoe. Those fucking pigs needed to pay back all of this.  
"Tch. Are they dead right now?" I asked.

Erwin turned back and nodded.  
"Mike killed them all."

Wow, that Mike figure was amazing. But why couldn't Erwin handle it himself? I looked at Erwin again. He looked so strong. His muscles were so tight. Damn, he could break through fucking walls without a scratch. Was he weak inside? No, that couldn't be. I always heard stories about him killing people. He was a cold killer. Besides, he said he passed out short after that Mike freed him once again. They just tortured him in such a beast-like way. Plus, there were too many of them.

"Hey, Levi. Do you have any scars?" Erwin asked

"Huh?" I snapped out of my thoughts. "Oh, yes," I said. I lifted up my shirt and pointed at my scar right above my belly button. "Someone attack me with a knife. And the smaller scar next to it was because someone else's wife tried to defend her husband, whom I had to kill, with a pair of scissors. I sent them both to hell."

"Hm," he said. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked entertained at me, before saying: "You're quite muscled for someone your side."

"The fuck...? Oi Erwin! That's discrimination against people who are not as fat as you are."

"Fat?!" he laughed. "I work out a lot, you know."

I knew. Erwin had the best body I've seen. It was so god-like. I bet he often gets confused with a real god. Though, I had to admit, I was kinda jealous of his build. He was tall and... big. No offense though. It matched. Unlike him, I was small and muscled. It just didn't match at all. Fortunately, you couldn't really see my muscles when I was wearing clothes. So, it wasn't really that big of a deal. But Erwin was better.  
And looking at Erwin, while he was sitting on the bed and smiling with his mouth as well as with his bright blue eyes that just shone in the demi-dark room and looking up at me, just really turned me on.

"So, do you have any other scars or wounds?" he asked.

I nodded and told him I got some on my legs. And a big one on my thigh. I pointed at the place where it was. Then, he told me he had one on his thigh as well. Suddenly excited, he jumped up and stripped off his pants. He told me to do the same. Little did I know for what reason, but I did as he asked and undressed too. So, kinda awkwardly, I took off my pants. And there we were, both without pants.  
"Look, Levi. Mine is right here," he said and lifted up his leg, so I could see it from up close. Not that it was necessary, since I was small as fuck.

"Mine's here," I said and showed him my scar on a similar place.

Erwin laughed out loud and said: "It's almost the same!"  
He then pulled me closer and held my shirt between his fingers. With his low voice he asked: "What others do you have?" and slowly pulled my shirt over my head. When my head appeared again, he kissed the corner of my mouth. He sat back on the bed again and watched me showing my scars. I was glad to show the scars on my back, because I didn't have to face him. I was blushing and looked like the tomatoes we usually ate.  
He seemed really interested. It could be because I hardly tell anything about myself. I never really feel like talking about me and my life. Because, it was always about shit that happened in the past. And my past sucked big time.

"Was that all?" Erwin asked when I finished talking. "I've got much more than you."

"What? Do you also want to see the scars that aren't visible on my skin? Do you wish to see my rape 'scars'?" I asked and turned my ass towards him.

That moment, I felt Erwin's hands on my hips. Right after that, I felt his lips just above the elastic waistband of my shorts.  
"Call me a kissass, but I really love you," he said and dropped himself backwards on the bed, while dragging me along with him.

"Oi!" I struggled. "Go wash yourself first. You're covered in filth."

"That's mean, captain Clean Freak," he said, but didn't do as I said.

I turned around to lay on my front. My arms resting on his chest, my hands on his shoulder. Erwin wound his arms around my back and embraced me really tight. I laid my head down on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. His heart was beating slow, while mine was racing. How could he be this comfortable with me so soon? Or he was just a naive brat, or did he really saw something in me. Something no one else saw. Something even I couldn't see. What was this man gazing up at?  
"Sorry for what happened just now," he apologized. "It was a stupid coincident and I was still in shock when I got home, but I never doubted your reliability. I'm very sorry."

I had already forgiven him. For he was the one to make me feel warm. But why did he trust me that much? And why was I the one to work with him? Was there a special reason?  
"Why me?" I asked.

"Because you're the only one I've told about it. But, maybe Shadis told anyone about it, and the only logical person to inherit it, is me."

"Shuddup. I wasn't asking for that. Stop talking shit and give me an answer to my question."

"Oh... I don't quite understand which question you are referring to... Mind to ask it again?"

I sighted and rolled my eyes. Dumb bastard. Why couldn't he just use his shitty brains for fucking once?  
"Why did you choose me to work with you? When I told you my name, your mood switched quick as fuck."

"Oh well, I've heard many good things about you. You're quick and leave no marks. Besides, the police doesn't know you, nor what you look like. This is strategically very nice. So, my mood changed when you identified yourself, because I knew your name. That's also why I immediately asked you to work with me," he explained.

"Hm."

"Now, may I ask what you actually did on that roof, while were talking about that day?"

Tch! My eyes twitched. Fucking hell. He remembered. I hoped he forgot it after about two weeks. Why the fucking did I ask that shit question and make him remember that fucking shit day. Damn, maybe I was a dumb bastard as well. But, the worst part was that I didn't want to lie to Erwin. He would find out anyways.  
"Tch, I was looking at you," I mumbled, hoping he wouldn't hear it. I also buried my face into his chest even more.

"Why? By the looks of it, you did it because you liked me. Am I correct?"

When I peeked at him, I saw the smirk on his face and his lifted eyebrow.  
"Damn it," I said and looked away again.

Erwin laughed at me. How embarrassing.  
"Ah, so that's why you agreed to work with me. I convinced you with my looks."

"Bastard. I'm gonna leave you if you don't shut that shit trap of yours. There's only shit coming out of there."

"If you wanna gay, you gotta stay," he said with the most satisfied look on his face. His inappropriate joke wasn't even that good, for fucks sake.

I face palmed my shit brains outta my head. Fuck Erwin and his jokes. I hope he'll ever choke on them one day and die. But, believe it or not, I stayed.

And that was the story of how we met. The following days, weeks, months, were pretty great. We had a good relationship, work was manageable with him and I leaned lots of things. But I also got to know less good things about him. Like, our nights were amazing and I've never felt this good in bed, but the problem was, Erwin refused to "put in". So, that meant no anal and oral. He said he didn't like to put his dick into someone, because he had one traumatic experience with it. He never told me exactly what it was about, but he'll get over it someday. And this didn't mean he wasn't good in bed. No, au contraire - Erwin taught me that word -, he was the best person I spent my nights with.  
An other not-good thing I leaned, was his sleeping pattern. He did sleep, but wakes up pretty fast, as if he never even slept at all. He told me it was nothing to be worried about, but it always felt like he was hiding something from me whenever we talked about it. Something was bugging him, and I promised him and myself that I would do everything for him he couldn't do for whatever reason. So, it was my mission to find out what was wrong and solve it.  
But asides from that, it was great to be with him. We did a lot of stuff together and he taught me many things. For instance, he taught me how to cook and improved my reading skills a lot. He also got me a fake ID. My name was Claus Klein. Erwin - or should I say Alfred Bretschneider - handpicked the name for me himself, because he thought it suited me well. Our fake names were also German, because of our German roots. Not that I felt like one. But anyways, with that fake ID I could go outside. Could. Erwin still wouldn't let me go past the front door or the garden wall. I only went outside for work.  
Though, our work went pretty well. In the past 10 months we killed a lot of people together. Erwin told me we had already finished 85% of the list. Though, I couldn't know that for sure, because I've never really seen the list. According to Erwin, it wasn't special or anything, so it wasn't necessary for me to read it. I was actually fine with that. He always seemed kinda depressed whenever he read it. I didn't want to be like that. It was annoying to see him being sad. At least I was there to cheer him up again.  
And now, we were about to kill Amayasi.

"This is where he lives," Erwin said. "Be ready."

I nodded. With a special tool, Erwin opened the door. The door opened and made a creaking sound. We stepped into the small house. It was dark and there was no sign of life. But even in the dark I could see the living room was a mess. One could easily break its neck while walking around. There were papers with drawings all over the ground and there were filthy plates on the table. If we weren't going to kill him, then he would've definitely defeated himself with all the dust and germs in this hole he called a house. He really owed us for saving him from this place and sending him to the, hopefully cleaner, afterlife. Amayasi had some pictures hanging on the wall, though I couldn't see exactly who were on them.  
Erwin gestured me to sneak upstairs. I followed him to the stairs and carefully went upstairs, step by step. There was a carpet on the stairs that covered the sound our footsteps. The carpet's original color was red I guess, but stairs were literally gray because of the big amount of dust laying on top of there. I was wondering when the last time was he cleaned. he ever did it, that is. Maybe he was dead already. Or he moved out a long time ago. Though, it couldn't be there was no one here. Amayasi had to be home tonight. Erwin was never mistaken. He had this weird sixth sense. As if he could feel where someone was hiding. We walked into a room with blue walls. It seemed to be a bedroom. There was one bed with a pile of clothes on it. I didn't see a closet, so I guessed that was why the bed was occupied. But I couldn't detect someone in the room. Yet, this was where he had to be. Erwin loaded his gun.  
"Amayasi, come on out. We know you're hiding here," Erwin said.

And that moment, someone jumped out from behind the door. It was Amayasi. And he jumped on Erwin's back and strangled him. Amayasi was kinda small - still taller than I was - so it looked kinda... funny. Though, there was something off. Erwin didn't fight him. He was only choking, moving a bit and staring at me. What the fuck. Why didn't he shake him off? Erwin could definitely handle him with both his hands tied on his back. This was very unusual. He was clearly in pain, but didn't do anyfuckingthing.  
I looked at Erwin's face again. His eyes were locked on mine. As if he tried to tell me something. Was this a test? What the fuck did he want me to do. I wrapped my hand tighter around the handle of my knife. If this was a test, I had make sure not to fail.  
I got behind Amayasi with the speed of light. I wanted to stab him right into his heart, but he was moving a lot. How annoying. Totally irritated, I stabbed him in his back. Tch, he was bleeding a lot already. Fucking pathetic. He finally let go of Erwin's neck and fell on the ground, where I stabbed him a few times more since I was disappointed with the way he died. Erwin fell on the ground as well and started to cough. He held his throat with his hand, while he leaned on the floor with his other.  
"What the shit stained fuck were you doing?" I asked him.

Erwin finally got a hold on his breath again and answered: "I helped you."

"How the fuck did this help me in any damn way?" I walked to him and helped him getting up. His neck was red. Again. Everyone always tried to choke him whenever we were in a fight. Was it his weak spot? If so, how come everyone knew? I always thought his weak spot were his balls or messing with his perfect wig. I mean hair.

"Well, it looked like you didn't want to kill anymore. Lastly, I've been the only one murdering everyone. That's why I thought it'd be a good idea to let you kill Amayasi. So, how do you feel now?"

"Damn it. You almost got yourself killed. And you know I hate to get my hands dirty. Look at them now," I said and showed him my hands. There were some blood drops on them.

"You can always wash them."

"Fuck you."

"That's not very nice," he said and grabbed his phone outta his pocket. "I'm going to call Jaeger to pick up Amayasi."

"Ugh, not Jaeger," I whined. Damn, I really hated Jaeger. He was an annoying little brat. I prayed for his name to be somewhere on Erwin's list. Or I would just kill him myself one day. Jaeger always came to pick up the death bodies and made them disappear, so there would be no evidence for the police to find. But damn, he really knew how to piss someone off. First of all, he looked like a 6 years old twat and acted like a 6 years old twat. Second of all, we had mutual feeling towards each other; hate. We were both looking for any reason so shoot the living shit outta one another. Third of all, his face annoyed me. His really made me wanting to jump off a cliff. He looked aggressive and angry all the fucking time. Damn it Jaeger. But fucking Erwin needed him. That son of a whore who's past is full of unknown men who all could be the dad of that piece of puke called Jaeger even got payed to piss me off. I didn't exactly know how much, but I knew he got money for coming and leaving with a dead person. What a damn waste of cash.

After a short phone call Erwin turned to me again and said: "I'll look for something to cook tonight. Will you look for the button up shirts?"

I nodded. I had the strange ritual to steal all of the white button up shirts out of the houses of the people we killed. At home, Erwin would wash them so I could wear them. It was very handy, because blood stains were impossible to wash off. Erwin didn't take the opportunity to steal someone's clothes. Simply because he was too much of a giant to fit into them and because they never had his color. He always wore a red button up shirt, so he wouldn't have to see the blood stains - though I could. He once washed my beautiful white socks with that damn button up shirt of his, and now they've become pink. But, because of our button up shirts, we got the name _"button up bastards"_. We both didn't really care, though.  
While I was sorting out Amayasi's dirty clothes, Erwin was doing some grocery shopping in his kitchen. We always did that. I mean, the people we killed weren't going to eat it anymore anyways. So, I kinda guessed we were going to eat something Japanese. It might sounded kinda racist, but it really was true. Whether we killed an American brat or a Spanish dickhead, they always had something in their cabinets that was typical for their country.

Jaeger came to pick up Amayasi and Erwin and I went home again with our stuff. On our way home, we talked about Amayasi and how this was an easy one compared to the other more difficult ones. Erwin said he wanted everyone to be this simple, so we could soon get our reward and live happily ever after. I said he was talking like a brat and told him to shut up. But deep inside, I wished the same. The idea of finishing that list and just living like a rich twat with Erwin sure was great. But, now we had to focus on the next bastard on the list. I didn't know yet what kind of person this was going to be, but we could take him. I felt like 1.7 times stronger with Erwin around. Let him come and die already.

Amayasi was killed.

~~_Amayasi_ ~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooo!! I'm so sorry for this vvv late update so pls don't me mad TT
> 
> but I have some more bad news, because school's asking more and more of my time bc the finals are on their way ughh :(( so I'm not done with the second part of this story, let alone the other parts. this will take some time and I'll try to update as soon as possible but it won't be next month or something (so so so sorry!!!)


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